She sounds pissed off. I expect this isn’t really her crime domain, Facebook posts, but your cheating fucking solicitor would be ranting and threatening and insisting that she follow it up. I pause again.

‘I don’t understand. A picture? On Facebook? But surely you’ve checked my Facebook account? Surely you can—’

‘Yes, yes. Of course. But you are friends with the person who posted it.’

‘Am I? Just me? Only I …’

She’s getting annoyed now. I can hear the tension in her voice as we reach the null hypothesis.

‘No. Not just you. But you added this person yesterday.’

I tap some keys to imply I’m logging into my Facebook account.

‘Oh, Monica Bradley? Yes. I did. I thought she was someone from school as everyone else added her.’ I tap, tap, tap to prolong the suspense leading up to my discovery of the picture. ‘Oh. Oh.’

‘So can you see why he’s upset?’

I smile to myself. She’s neutral.

‘Yes. But what about me? That’s not exactly pleasant for me. Seeing him with someone else when we were married.’

‘And that’s why he feels you posted this picture.’

‘Of course he does. He feels that I’m responsible for everything. To be honest, DS Percy, I don’t think I’m the person in the wrong here. I would say that he’s the one who’s caught out. So, as you say, I can see why he’s upset. But it wasn’t me.’

She’s breathing into the phone. I try to be as helpful as I can.

‘Perhaps it’s something to do with the woman in the picture? Look, I absolutely insist that you send someone round to my house to confirm I don’t have the bag. And you are welcome to look at my computer records. But you’re wasting your time. It wasn’t me.’

‘That won’t be necessary. Not at this stage.’

‘OK. Well, I’m at work right now so …’

‘Of course. And thank you for your help. I’ll be in touch.’

I give her my work number and she thanks me.

‘You’re welcome.’

Very welcome. Because she’s going to end the call and call you. Tell you that she doubts that I’m behind this. That it must be someone else with a grudge. Ask you more about this photograph. About Christine Dearden. Look up her Facebook profile and see her lovely husband. He loves her. It’s clear. Loves her so much that if he found this photograph he could possibly make a fake profile to make her and Jack suffer. Make the world see what they were really like.

By teatime DS Percy will be knocking on Christine Dearden’s door. Asking her husband if he knows anything about the picture. Doing my job for me.