Her expression changes. She looks like I’ve just exposed a big secret.

‘I … I …’

‘God, Katy, relax. We all do it, you know. That’s partly why he leaves it public. Because he knows we will. It’s all part of his little game.’

As I say it, I remember my conversation about the future with Jack’s wife. She agreed to my terms and I’ve agreed to hers – and by default to Jack’s. No more game-play for us. I feel free. And my work here is done. I leave her with a hug and assure her that it will all be OK. I promise to phone her when he has the kids and I will. For once I’m not faking. I actually want to. It feels good.

I’m home. Home. Suddenly it feels like home. I go into the lounge and clear a space on the sofa. The room smells musty, the stink of old newsprint and cardboard. It’s a big job but I take some of the newspapers outside and put them in the skip. Then I take all the takeaway menus from the hallway and the unopened junk mail and chuck that in as well.

The empty boxes, the piles of Thomson Locals I shoved behind the kitchen door – all in the skip. By the time I’m finished, the hallway is almost clear. I keep one of the Thomson Locals and find the number for a charity shop. It rings and rings, and then I remember Lee.

I find his number and my stomach has a knot in it as the call rings out. I know by doing this I am starting something. I know. It rings, and somewhere inside me a feeling of distrust comes. My mother’s voice saying, ‘They’re all the same.’ Are they? Are they all the same? They can’t be. There has to be something else for me. Somebody else. It’s still ringing and this feels like a huge risk. But I can take it slowly, take it slow. Then I recognise the chink of light breaking through. Hope. It’s hope.

It turns out to be a shop number and he’s not there. I explain the situation and they say that they’ll be around later to pick ‘the things up’. I’m giggling and telling them that they might need a few trips and they thank me and wonder if I’d be interested in a charity auction.

I find a box in the kitchen that has a Dyson vac in it and get it out. It’s a long time since I’ve used a vacuum cleaner. Or seen more than a couple of inches of carpet in here. It feels kind of good.