By the time I get to the university I’m all worked up about it. I go into my office and close the door. It wasn’t that long ago that I was sitting here waiting to send those cases back. For the first time since then I wonder if I should have done just that. Let it be. If I hadn’t looked in that journal, I wouldn’t be half mad with tiredness. At least then I knew where the kids were. Now they could be anywhere.

There’s only one way to find out. I take the social services letter out of my bag. This is the perfect time, with your mother in custody, to make this approach. I press the numbers on my mobile phone slowly, savouring the moment. I have to be strong. Take the initiative. A steely determination takes over me.

‘Hello. Karen Connelly.’

For some reason I was expecting one of the team who had worked with me. This was someone different.

‘Hi. This is Caroline Atkinson.’

‘Hello, Mrs Atkinson …’

‘Dr. It’s Dr Atkinson.’ Damn. Damn it. Not a good move. I need to wake up. ‘But please call me Caroline.’

‘Oh. Yes, yes of course. Caroline. How can I help?’

‘I’m responding to a letter you sent me. I’m afraid I didn’t open it straight away and I’ve only just had a chance to ring you.’

I can hear her rustling paper. She shuts a filing cabinet and then she’s back.

‘Ah, right. Yes. So, we’d like you to come in for a meeting. When would it be convenient?’

‘What’s it about? Only, it’s been a while?’

There’s a long pause while she reads the file.

‘A review of arrangements. We’ve noted that you haven’t been taking your access with your children and we wanted to check that everything is OK.’

I’m not supposed to know what’s happened. That your mother has been arrested and you’re living in a posh apartment sans dependants. I sniffle.

‘I just wanted to ask … are they OK? My children. I miss them. A lot.’

She’s quick off the mark. ‘Fine. They’re doing fine. But there are some issues we need to discuss. Nothing negative. So shall we say a week on Tuesday?’

‘I was hoping for sooner than that. I really want to make an effort. Things have taken off for me at work and I’m in a much better position now.’

She flicks pages and taps her pencil on the desk.

‘OK. Next Tuesday?’

‘Great. So who will be there? Is it just me or will Jack’s mother attend? Only she’s looking after them and I—’

‘No. No. I don’t think she will.’

I wait a moment, but she doesn’t enlarge.

‘Jack, then? Their father?’