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Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Dedication2
  5. 1994
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 2006
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 2018
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. Acknowledgements

A chill ran down Margaret’s spine. Heidi was thinking about what it meant to her, and it made Margaret see what it meant to her. If it had happened to Margaret, the possibility of it was in the world – it would have to be assimilated into the world, which meant Heidi could allege that it had happened to her. In the way she walked, in the way she held herself. It was like how a crossword was always easier to do the day after it was published. Margaret could feel Heidi watching her with a new attentiveness.

‘Yeah,’ Margaret said, and tilted her bowl further, so the soup swam to one corner and was deep enough again for her spoon to collect it. ‘You’d tell me though, eh?’ Margaret said. ‘Like if you knew anything?’

‘Probably not,’ Heidi said. ‘Not yet.’

They sat in silence for a moment, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. All of Heidi’s cards were on the table.

‘Realistically,’ said Heidi. ‘If this shows you anything, it’s that it wasn’t supposed to happen. None of it was. This’ – she pointed at Margaret with her spoon – ‘is everything being put right, returning us all back to normal. We’ve passed the test, killed the dragon. Levelled up. It’ll happen to all of us before the year’s out.’ She hadn’t looked this happy in years. ‘I guarantee it. It’s just a fuck-up, and your fuck-up has been unfucked.’

30

30

Once Margaret started looking, there were lots of women who looked like her. There was very little outstanding about them. They were of average height. They weren’t unusually skinny. They weren’t exactly average but there were a lot of women that looked like Peggy and Greta.

She went out a lot. She would work for five hours when she got home, or sometimes go to a meeting and then go out to the bars and nightclubs around the city. She would sit and drink Coke or lime and soda and watch all the women who looked like them. Often, she would talk to them and for a while they would stand at her shoulder and she felt the hum come off them the way it used to when she was two. No one needed to know much about her and often they would come home with her. There weren’t many hours in the day. Not for working and fucking. But she fitted it all in. No matter what time she went to bed she woke up at the same time. She would ask if they wanted to stay but no one wanted that much. Not after they’d just met.