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Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Dedication2
  5. 1994
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 2006
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 2018
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. Acknowledgements

Bailter Space were playing on a big stage in a big hall. There was wood on the floor and a bar at the back. Greta and Peggy got a stamp on their wrist and didn’t buy drinks. They didn’t really want drinks. It was amazing how un-thirsty they were when it came to drinks. The support band was good. Then Bailter Space came on and they played some good songs and then Peggy and Greta got in a fight with someone. It was a girl called Tyra, and they couldn’t quite remember what they’d done but Tyra remembered both of them and emptied her glass over Peggy’s head. It was just water but it was frightening. Neither of them had a moment to think or stop. One of them just punched Tyra in the face. They were much better fighters sober, which was dangerous. They realised how dangerous it was as soon as they landed the first punch and Tyra sort of tripped over herself. They looked at each other. Tyra was bleeding and some people were calling the bouncers over. As the bouncers rushed towards Tyra on the floor Peggy and Greta wove quickly through the crowd and towards the exit, heads down, and they left and ran down the street and Peggy asked, did Greta think Tyra knew their names or where they lived, and Greta didn’t say anything, just ran and took a look behind them, and Peggy said, ‘Shit.’

They’d really let themselves down. Maybe this would be it? Maybe they’d go to jail. They had several bits and pieces on their record – people had given them a million chances. ‘Fuck,’ Peggy said, and they started to cry, but not for Tyra, they were crying for themselves, for how shit it all was that they’d got this far – fought to get this far and now they’d fucked it up with one punch. What would they do? Diane would make them call the police. Turn themselves in. They’d lose the volunteer job at the least. ‘Fuck.’ ‘What were we thinking?’ Greta said. It was a rhetorical question.

They were both in trouble, even though only one of them had done the punching. The bouncer who knew them from around had shouted, ‘Greta!’ He’d seen one of them punch the woman but no one could be sure, especially not in a dark room. ‘Peggy!’ he’d said, just to cover his bases. He’d kept shouting both their names as he chased them through the crowded room before he watched, helplessly, as they left. So, really, they were both in trouble.

4

4

Everything came in on them when they woke up the next morning. It was like sleep had let them escape and then everything was waiting, after, to smash into them. It reminded them of why they liked to drink. It was so easy just to make everything blank, just to keep moving.