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Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Dedication2
  5. 1994
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 2006
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 2018
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. Acknowledgements

In reality it didn’t matter. It hit her as she looked at the shoes again. Either of the names would work. It wasn’t going to change anything – even if she went back to the old name. Someone in the train was laughing – they must have been listening to something. But she couldn’t. She tried the old name on for size, the one on their birth certificate, but it upset her so much – like it had the power to kill her from inside. People changed their names all the time. She practised it in her head. ‘We’re changing our names. We’re just going to have one name from now on. To make it easier for everyone.’ It sounded strange but okay. Could she pull it off? She wasn’t ready to come clean. She was worrying about the name, because she wanted two things at once: to deceive everyone and at the same time be honest with them. She thought if she got the name right, she wouldn’t have to tell them that there was only one of her now. But that was ridiculous. What was a name, anyway? It was more about the people at work than about Greta and Peggy. People felt better if they thought they could tell the difference. They liked to think there were fundamental differences. It was less creepy. She thought that if she could make the name transition first, revert both of them back to their old name, then maybe people would see the differences disappear and then she could break it to them that there was actually only one of them now. It was so complicated – a lie was always more complicated than the truth. The truth was easier to remember. They’d spent years making everyone feel okay about them and this would destroy everything.

She felt the air all around her and the weight of both the phones in her pockets – one of the phones should be at home. ‘Should I make potatoes or rice?’ ‘Is it rubbish night tonight?’ The name was a distraction. The name was a symbol of the terrible thing that had happened and her complete inability to work out how to deal with it. The train would stop soon, and she’d take her one body into the call centre and start her new life of making people feel comfortable with the fact that she had been one person and then she was two people and now she was one person again. The man laughed again in the train. Comedy was tragedy plus time. She didn’t know how she could go on and it was ridiculous.

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