Cover

Also by Pip Adam

Everything We Hoped For

I’m Working on a Building

The New Animals

Title

Dedication

for Sheila, Brent and Bo

Dedication2

When I’m broken, I am whole.

And when I’m whole, I’m broken.

—Björk, ‘Quicksand’

1994

1994

1

1

‘Huh?’ Greta was lying on Peggy’s stomach.

‘Everything seems so dark,’ said Peggy. They were both reading. They’d gone to their room with the intention of reading. ‘We’re just going to read,’ they’d said to their flatmate Dell. But for the last half hour or so they’d been staring out at their room over the top of their books. They were just learning how to spend time.

‘Like everything,’ Peggy said.

Greta was sleepy. They’d been up too late. The cold and heavy of the Sunday evening was settling down.

‘When I think back to what we did this week or last week or the week before. It’s all so dark.’

‘We’ve been up a lot at night,’ Greta said. She put her book on her chest.

‘Yeah.’ Peggy turned round so she could see out the high window above their bed. Greta’s head moved with the change in Peggy’s position. ‘You’re right.’

They sat like that for a moment. Peggy wound round to look up and out the window, watching the grey sky. Greta staring at the ceiling, book on her chest, and head, precarious now, on Peggy’s stomach.

‘We should get some food,’ Greta said.

‘Yeah,’ said Peggy. ‘Do we have any money?’

Greta scratched her head. Her hands were swamped in a long jumper and she scratched her head through the sleeves. Her dark, short hair stood up. She wiped her nose with the sleeve of the jumper. ‘Not much.’

‘Enough for tom yum?’ Peggy’s voice lightened a little.

‘Yeah?’ Greta said. ‘How much is tom yum, again?’

‘Eight bucks,’ Peggy said. She was getting up now. Greta fell off her lap. ‘Eleven, if you have noodles. The noodles are three dollars. If we have the noodles we only need one bowl of soup.’

‘What’s the date?’ Greta said.

Peggy shrugged. ‘Like, the sixth?’

‘We should be golden.’

‘Can we get spring rolls?’ Peggy asked. They’d both put on heaps of weight since they’d stopped drinking. A few weeks ago, Peggy worked out that if they took more Antabuse than they were supposed to it gave them diarrhoea. The counsellors at rehab were dark on dieting or vomiting but Peggy was pretty sure they’d get away with it now they were out. Except, Greta pointed out, if they both kept taking more than they were supposed to, they’d probably need more Antabuse sooner than they were supposed to.

‘What date does rent come out on?’