So, the house is in model home condition for the first time since it was actually a model home, and I am a pacing mess while waiting for her – now thinking that I should have gone to pick up groceries in case she is hungry. I offered to take her out for lunch but she insisted she had to speak to me here, in private. Which I think means we are not about to have sex? I’m not entirely sure. She might want to come here specifically because she liked the bedroom, but her voice was heavy with something that screamed we will not be having a sex repeat. There was also the fact she was clearly breaking her routine to do this and that only occurred on very special occasions.

Ellis has always been headstrong and her routine is a part of that, I always assumed it was because when she flared up her life felt so out of her own hands that she had to do what she could to regain that control. Her life would crumble when her fibromyalgia would rear its ugly head. One day she would be in a small amount of pain, enough relief to walk through the day with her head held high, and the next for seemingly no reason she would buckle. The pain was so bad it would cause her to vomit, to shake, to beg for it to stop.

There was nothing I could do. Hell, I was useless and no matter how much someone tries to google, it never offers all the answers. Especially with chronic illness, it is so personal and subjective that the things I read were often no help at all. I was a twenty-year-old guy just trying to graduate and become an adult, and Ellis had – still has – so much more to think about. If staying at home and reading is what helped her feel safe when the world was on her shoulders, then who was I to tell her to change? Yet she is doing it today.

From the moment ten years ago when I saw those long blonde curls bouncing around the room, I’ve been attracted to Ellis. Surely finding her again in December had to mean something? Yes, we were in the same city for the first time in a while, but I’ve been playing in Seattle for the past two seasons – still, seeing her was a surprise to me.

But I have no proper window into her current life; I’ve only seen her son through pictures online, but he somehow reminds me of her. And I can see she’s done everything to raise him well, despite her own upbringing.