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Back Little Universes Save as PDF
Chapters (63)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. Part 1
  6. Mae
  7. Hannah
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. Part 2
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. Part 3
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. Epilogue
  59. Mental Health Resources
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  62. About the Author
  63. Newsletter Sign-up

Mad Matter: Do you think you’ll find out the secret of the universe’s origins—and, by extension—dark matter, in your lifetime?

Dr. Winters: I hope so. But it’s okay if I don’t.

Mad Matter: Really?

Dr. Winters: [laughs] Really. See, the universe has a way of throwing us a bone every now and then, and this is the one we get when we kick the bucket: When I die—and you, all of us—we become the secret. We become part of the universe itself, our molecules, enfolded back into the machine of life. So a part of me—admittedly, not the conscious part—gets to know the answers. In a way, every single one of us will one day know the secret of the universe.

Mad Matter: What do you think it is? If you had to guess.

Dr. Winters: My answer will disappoint you. It’s not remotely scientific.

Mad Matter: Tell us anyway.

Dr. Winters: Love. I think the secret is love. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, but I really got it this past year. It’s been a rough one for me personally. But one day this spring I was sitting with my girls—we were eating chili, just a normal family dinner. And I looked into my daughters’ eyes … and I saw the Helix Nebula. Right there, in both their eyes—a star. Amazing, how the human eye and the Helix resemble each other. And I couldn’t help but think: The universe loves itself. It puts these little love notes to itself in all of us, in nature. About how utterly astonishing we are. So loving ourselves, one another, this planet, the cosmos—it’s all the universe’s own expression of deep, creative self-love. The universe is doing right by the miracle, too.

Mad Matter: It sounds like you already know the secret, Dr. Winters.

Dr. Winters: When I look at my girls, I believe I do. Yes.

44

Mae

ISS Location: Low-Earth Orbit

Earth Date: 10 May

Earth Time (EST): 19:17

Her phone rings and rings.

I call Jo. Nah’s not with her, hasn’t texted her or anything. Which is a really bad sign. Really bad.

“What about a meeting—think she’d be at one?” Nate asks. He’s been driving me around the city for the past hour.

“She just got back from one,” I say.

Ben leans forward, as close to me as he can be from the backseat. “Is there anywhere else she used to get her pills?”

We went to Harvard Square. We checked the angel at the garden. Drove all around our neighborhood. Went to the coffeehouses near our place. She’s gone.

“I don’t know. Jo said it was just Harvard Square. She’s looking, too.”