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Back Little Universes Save as PDF
Chapters (63)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. Part 1
  6. Mae
  7. Hannah
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. Part 2
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. Part 3
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. Epilogue
  59. Mental Health Resources
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  62. About the Author
  63. Newsletter Sign-up

There is a little universe inside each of us. We are filled with planets and stars, light and gravity, dark matter and a million other mysteries we may never understand. And the greatest mystery of all is that we are immortal. We will be reshaped, again and again, by the universe itself. And we will never die.

My parents aren’t dead.

The wave didn’t take them.

They never left.

Their atoms are just dancing to a different tune.

They’re not ghosts.

I’m not a ghost.

I am alive. Here and now and ALIVE.

And I’m not hungry. Not anymore. Not even a little.

I’m full.

are you a mother if you lose a daughter?
are you a daughter if you lose a mother?

Ice Cream Cone Wrapper

Boston Common

Boston

40

Hannah

My sister is walking through Boston Common in a daze, a rock clutched in her hand.

I glance at Nate. “Should we be worried?”

“I don’t think so. When’s the last time Mae suggested crossing the Charles?”

Ever since she and Ben broke up, Mae has refused to get on any train that goes over the Charles River, into the north of the city, where Castaways and MIT are. Now she says she’s getting on the Red Line—the train that would take her closest to a certain rock nerd. Just as soon as she makes a pot of soup.

My fingers immediately go to the necklace I haven’t taken off since Drew put it around my neck.

I miss him so much.

But I know Jo is right. If I’m going to figure out who I am outside of the pills, outside of Micah and Mom and Dad and all of it, then I need to be on my own. And the way I miss Drew, the way I crave him—that’s my addiction looking for a hit. And he deserves to be more than that.

That’s what I tell everyone, including Drew. It helps, us not being at the same school anymore. But only a little.

Every time I think about running to him, I think about how it would kill me, it would fucking kill me, if he ever looked at me the way Micah did and said, I can’t carry you. And he would. Because I’m a burden. On everyone who cares about me. I can see the way I exhaust them, the worry and stress. My sister almost gave up everything for me. I ruin people’s lives. It’s the only thing I’m good at.

Jo would say that’s the depression talking. “Stop drinking your haterade,” she’d say.

But it’s true.