I call Drew. My sister can be mad at me for calling him later. I know she’ll be ashamed that he knows her business like this, but I’m beyond caring about things like that right now.

“Hello?” His voice is uncertain. Maybe he’s hoping it’s her. Sometimes Nah borrows my phone, since hers is never on her.

“I can’t find Hannah. I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do you mean you can’t find her? What happened?”

He’s trying to sound calm, but he isn’t, not by a long shot.

“I underestimated maybe how hard the first birthday without them would be, and then we found out—”

“Wait—it’s her birthday? Today?”

“You didn’t know?”

He swears quietly. “No. She’s not on social. We never … I had no way of—Shit. Where are you?”

“We’ll come get you. I’m putting you on speakerphone. Tell Nate how to get to your house.”

Nate pulls back onto the road while Drew directs him. Ben rests a hand on my shoulder. I grab hold of it. I wish Hannah could stay clean and I wish our parents weren’t dead and I wish my aunt and uncle weren’t moving and that the waves would stop coming just when it seems like the sea is calm.

Drew’s waiting outside a run-down house when we pull up, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He still looks like a drug dealer to me, with his hoodie and the way his shoulders hunch up, like he’s trying to disappear. Nah has kept Drew in the loop enough that he knows she has a sponsor, knows she’s clean. But I haven’t seen him since that night at the hospital.

He jogs over to the car and dives into the back seat next to Ben.

“Hey.” Drew leans forward. He’s thin. Gaunt, even. Like not being with her is eating him away. “Do you have Jo’s number? Hannah might have—”

I shake my head. “She’s the first person I called.”

“I checked in with everyone I know from school—she hasn’t showed up at any parties. I don’t know if she’d know about them anyway,” he says.

Nate glances at me. “Should we go back to Harvard Square, where her hookup is? Maybe it took her a while to get across the city—she got on the T.”

I look at Drew, and he nods. The car is silent for a few moments, except for the sound of the tires going over bumps.

“What happened?” Drew finally asks.

I tell him and he rests his head in his hands, like he’s going to be sick. “Why the fuck does she keep shutting me out?”