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Back Little Universes Save as PDF
Chapters (63)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. Part 1
  6. Mae
  7. Hannah
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. Part 2
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. Part 3
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. Epilogue
  59. Mental Health Resources
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  62. About the Author
  63. Newsletter Sign-up

“Yeah. Last year. That Big Questions conference in Dallas.”

Her eyes fill, face crumbling a little. “I didn’t know.”

“That’s okay. Dad said a lot of things.” I swallow. “He didn’t take his own advice, though.”

She shakes her head. “No.”

“Aunt Nora says Mom knew. About … Rebecca.”

Nah closes her eyes. “So she died knowing he didn’t love her anymore.”

I dig my fingernails into my jeans. “She died knowing we loved her. Fuck him.”

She stares at me. Smiles. “Yeah. Fuck him.”

It doesn’t make me feel better. To hate him. How do you unlove someone?

She stands. “Still. Maybe he was right. About the miracle.”

“You’ll go—to detox?”

Three days of hell that will feel like three years.

My sister nods, then looks up past the ceiling, like she can see all the way through the atmosphere. “I’m still really mad at you.”

And even though he’s not there, even though he’s just matter at the bottom of the ocean now, or in the belly of a shark, I know exactly who she’s talking to. And I feel the same way.

30

Mae

ISS Location: Low-Earth Orbit

Earth Date: 28 November

Earth Time (EST): 17:32

A supermassive black hole is big enough to hold the mass of four million suns. There’s a black hole at the center of our galaxy, but Earth is a safe distance from it, so we don’t get pulled in. But I can’t maintain a “safe distance” from my sister. She is the black hole that we orbit.

Neil deGrasse Tyson says that black holes could possibly be tunnels through the universe. I’m hoping we can get to the other side of this black hole. Back to the Hannah I knew without pills.

Today is Thanksgiving, the first without Mom and Dad, and the first without Nah, too.

Because my sister is in detox.

In a place with bright fluorescent lights and no sharp objects and strangers who don’t know that after the big dinner we’re supposed to all eat Mom’s homemade cinnamon ice cream sundaes and watch at least one Harry Potter movie (this year we’re on the third one, which is all of our favorites, and I bet Dad would have insisted we watch the fourth, too). Nate and Dad are supposed to argue about the aeronautical challenges of Quidditch, and Mom will decry the stereotype of Professor Trelawney and how it gives everyone the wrong idea about people like Mom and her coven, as Dad calls Cyn and Mom’s tarot friends. And Nah is supposed to be curled up on the couch with Micah, not some horrible Drug Boy who only wears black and probably secretly roots for the Yankees. And me? I’m just taking it all in.

But not this year.