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Dedication

For Sarah

Epigraph

I’m ready

To meet what refuses to let us keep anything

For long.

—TRACY K. SMITH, The Universe as Primal Scream

Part 1

The Universe as Primal Scream

Mae

THERE ARE PIECES OF STARS IN OUR GUTTERS.

(!!!!!!!!!).

It wasn’t a Nobel-winning astrophysicist who made this discovery, but a Norwegian jazz musician named Jon Larsen. A completely random human who’s into the cosmos and got to thinking.

His experiments led to the observation that these micrometeorites are EVERYWHERE—gutters, yes, and in our hair, the tops of cars, on the rosebushes in your front lawn. Stick out your tongue long enough, and perhaps you can SWALLOW THE STARS.

In case you didn’t know, these micrometeorites are older than the planets themselves, some of the oldest matter in existence. Some of them are older than the sun, even. One hundred metric TONS of stardust crashes into Earth—Every. Single. Day.

And it’s just raining down on us, all the time.

Hannah

My mom has this book called Acorn by Yoko Ono and, I’m warning you right now, if you read it, you will never be the same again. It should maybe come with a warning label.

Say her name to yourself, softly: Yoooooh … kooooohhhhhh.

Mom says Yoko’s presence in the world is the universe’s way of reminding us all that we don’t have to spend our lives wearing business casual. Or sensible shoes.

Spend our lives. Minutes as currency. It’s like we’re paying God, handing Her our time in exchange for more breath: Here’s a minute, here’s another minute, another. And sometimes I want to be like, Can I have a refund? Or maybe an exchange. A new life. A new me. Because I’m only seventeen and I feel broke. Like I spent my life already.

Do you ever feel like your skin is a little too baggy, like a pair of jeans that you should probably get rid of, but can’t bring yourself to because maybe you wore them the night you lost your virginity or they’re your good-luck charm on test days? But you really want to get a new pair. Or some days your skin is too tight, like all of you got stuck in the dryer too long?

And that’s where Yoko comes in. She is the great reminder that It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way.

Yoooooh … koooooohhhhhh.

Whisper with me. Come on.

Do it.

I’ll wait.