BooksBarbecue
Back Little Universes
Chapters (63)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. Part 1
  6. Mae
  7. Hannah
  8. 1
  9. 2
  10. 3
  11. 4
  12. 5
  13. 6
  14. 7
  15. 8
  16. 9
  17. 10
  18. 11
  19. 12
  20. 13
  21. 14
  22. 15
  23. 16
  24. 17
  25. 18
  26. 19
  27. 20
  28. 21
  29. 22
  30. 23
  31. 24
  32. Part 2
  33. 25
  34. 26
  35. 27
  36. 28
  37. 29
  38. 30
  39. 31
  40. 32
  41. 33
  42. 34
  43. 35
  44. 36
  45. 37
  46. 38
  47. Part 3
  48. 39
  49. 40
  50. 41
  51. 42
  52. 43
  53. 44
  54. 45
  55. 46
  56. 47
  57. 48
  58. Epilogue
  59. Mental Health Resources
  60. Acknowledgments
  61. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  62. About the Author
  63. Newsletter Sign-up

“How? How have you helped her? By getting her high? By helping her forget who she is? You never talked to me. Or my aunt and uncle. My cousin. You could have told us. How bad it was. You didn’t. And I know why. You didn’t want her to be mad at you. To push you away like she pushes away anyone who tries to help her. So you’d rather have her like you than have her healthy. You’re a fucking coward.”

He flinches. “I know you don’t believe I’ve been watching out for her, but I have. It’s all I do these days. I’m not dealing anymore. I’m not giving her pills. She promised she was going to stop. If I try to bring it up, she pushes me away. You’re right, she does that. But I can’t help her if she doesn’t let me in. She can’t break up with you. But she can with me. If I’d lectured her, or if I’d told you—she’d have shut me out. For good. I thought if I could just show her she didn’t need the pills—”

“So, what, you thought you could kiss it better?” I shake my head. “God, you’re one of them.”

“One of who?”

The train lurches, and I have to work very hard not to be pushed up against this creep.

“Guys never paid attention to me until my parents died. I never knew that was a factor in male attraction, but apparently it is. Suddenly, boys at school who are not my lab partners are talking to me. It’s not because I’m the new girl. I think they like the idea of saving me, of being some knight in shining armor. They want to swoop in and get a little rush of oxytocin. I think they like the drama of it. We’re these tragic figures to them. Being with us is like starring in an indie movie.” I stare him down. “In your case, though, I bet you thought she could validate you somehow. Right? Like maybe you could be good again if you got her clean. Either way, it has nothing to do with Hannah and everything to do with you.”

I’ve never said this out loud, and I’m suddenly wondering: Is Ben one of those guys, too? Because Riley was the only boy who ever showed interest in me all throughout high school, and yet suddenly a brilliant, MIT version of Ichigo Kurosaki meets me and wants to be with me after one night of astronautical engineering. Carl Jung would call this synchronicity, but Jung was a mystic more than a psychologist, and his reasoning is therefore suspect.