‘More slowly for those of us with human hearing?’

I force myself to say it again.

‘I had …’

A few words at a time.

‘A sex dream …’

Looking anywhere but Mia’s face.

‘About Peter.’

I sneak a peek. Mia’s eyes aren’t blinking and she’s gone really still.

‘Please go on.’

‘Do I have to?’

She breaks into a smile. ‘Yes.’

I hide my face.

‘It was good.’

‘Good, or –’ she raises her eyebrows – ‘good?’

I raise my eyebrows to mirror hers.

‘Wow, didn’t see that coming.’ Once again, it’s like Mia doesn’t know what to do with her hands. ‘OK, and what do you think this means?’

‘It doesn’t mean anything.’

Her eyes burn into me.

‘OK, so Peter and I have been friends for so long. You know this. I was probably friends with him before I was friends with you.’ I say ‘probably’ because I genuinely can’t remember – it was that long ago. ‘And he really is one of my best friends. I can’t help what my dream brain thinks about.’

‘Is that all?’

‘I think so.’

‘Do you think that maybe, just maybe, there is more going on between you and Peter?’

‘No. My dream brain is my dream brain, and my actual brain knows that me fancying Peter is a bad idea.’

‘You realize you just said that you fancy Peter.’

‘I don’t fancy Peter.’

‘You just said you did. Are you sure you don’t fancy him?’

Am I sure?

‘I’m sure.’ I nod and say it again with a touch more conviction. ‘I am sure.’ His face pops into my head. ‘Ugh. I think it’s because he said something the other day about how he once asked me on a date.’ Mia makes a face at this, but I plough on. ‘And I’ve seen him a lot lately and the Colin thing has put sex thoughts into my head. And I know that my brain has taken two very separate lines of thought and mushed them together.’

‘You can’t deny that Peter is looking quite good these days.’

I can deny this.

‘I can see that all of my friends, be they male or female, are very beautiful. I can appreciate the new clothes and his more mature look, but just because I might be a bit lonely doesn’t mean he’s anything more than a friend.’

‘Do the right thing and admit that a part of you fancies him. You realize that a boyfriend is basically just a friend that you have sex with, right?’

I get a flashback to the dream, to him kissing my neck, my ear, my mouth, and me wanting him to kiss my neck, my ear, my mouth. I flashback to him breaking off the kiss, and looking at me hungrily, knowing that my own dream eyes would be looking back at him in exactly the same way.

Back in the room, I worry that Mia can tell where my mind went.

‘OK. A small part of me might fancy him.’ Mia starts to speak but I cut her off. ‘But quite frankly none of this matters anyway, because he doesn’t fancy me back and this is only a weird phase that I am going through. Besides, we’re not compatible. His family, his job, his earning potential, his intelligence. His hair! They’re all far superior to mine. It’s too much for me to go up against, and I don’t want to be the girl who gets judged for boxing well above her weight.’ Mia shakes her head. ‘And don’t shake your head at me – it’s a thing. It’s a thing that happens.’ Monologue over. ‘So that’s it. These are my thoughts. So, tell me. What do you think?’