‘Anyway, let’s change the subject. It was so long ago.’ I really should be over it. Our drinks arrive and I add half a cup of sugar to my coffee. ‘So what’s this plan that you have?’

‘I’ve decided to change my career. I want to become an interior designer.’

‘I think that’s a great idea!’ And I genuinely do, even though I have no idea what she’s changing careers from.

‘Thanks, I am excited. So, I’m planning to go back to school and take a course. It’s quite expensive, but I think it will be worth it.’

‘How expensive are we talking?’

‘About forty thousand pounds.’

I choke on my coffee.

‘And then there’ll be living expenses on top of that.’

‘Forty thousand pounds?’ I am incredulous, outraged, baffled. ‘Could you not learn the same things in a different, less expensive way?’

She looks at me, and a teensy amount of the light in her eyes has died.

‘Take my cards. I would love to do them full-time, but the reality of the situation is a bit different.’

‘I know, but I want to do something that I enjoy, exactly like you enjoy working on your cards. It was actually you who inspired me to think about what I enjoy doing and to go for it. And if I live with Jeroen then my living expenses won’t be that much.’

I can’t, I can’t let her make a plan based on a man she’s only just met. She doesn’t know anything about him. I don’t know anything about him.

‘And I want you to do something that you enjoy too, but what if you guys break up?’ I am projecting my own worries on to her, and I know it, but I can’t help myself.

‘Well, then I guess I’ll have to figure it out.’

I open and close my mouth like a guppy.

Luckily our food arrives.

I have a vague notion of moving out of the way.

Tilly makes polite conversation with our server, but I’m too busy processing to do anything other than nod. Her answer is so simple, and I have no retort. No matter how hard I process.

CHAPTER 12

Brunch with Tilly left me feeling oddly energized for a Sunday afternoon, so I went home, put on Classic FM and printed a whole bunch of new cards. They’re now drying on every surface in my tiny flat.

There is a lot of stuff to hate about my apartment: the weird yellow bathroom that always makes you look ill, the cantankerous old lady next door, the dodgy stain on the carpet in the bedroom, the really thin walls, the fact my post always goes missing, and the cheap linoleum flooring that isn’t glued down properly. But there is also a lot to love: the cat that sits outside and guards my weird yellow bathroom, my view of the city skyline (which is so far away that you can only just about make it out as long as there are no clouds), and most importantly the fact I can make as much mess as I want.