It takes all of my energy to straighten up and walk over to Mansi’s office door.

‘Can I help?’

She says, ‘Shut the door,’ and nods to the chair. ‘I’m going to have a frank conversation with you. As a warning I’m terribly hungover, and so this might be more frank than even I mean it to be.’

I sit in the chair to await my fate, and start to pick off my nail polish. I wish with all my heart that I had called in sick today.

She takes a sharp inhale of breath as I try to steel myself. ‘You have been a pain in the arse since I hired you. But I can’t blame you because I’m also a pain in your arse. And I’ve come to the conclusion that we aren’t the ones for each other. I don’t need you as my assistant.’

Holy shit, is she firing me? I was expecting something bad, but I wasn’t expecting to get fired.

‘That said, I can’t help but value your … unique contribution to the company.’ I wonder if she is thinking specifically about the joke wall I created in the kitchen. ‘And over the years, you have become as much a part of this company as I am. You have grown on all of us, except possibly Joan. And now you’ve cut out an interesting niche for yourself.’

Hold on, is she giving me a raise?

‘But you’re not suited to being an assistant, and I do need an assistant, now more than ever.’

I need a map to help me navigate my way through this conversation.

‘I’m trusting you with this information because, well, I have no other choice, and I have never doubted your increasingly begrudgingly given loyalty to me.’ She’s right. I’ve never once shared any of her secrets, including her apparent love for making felt animals, despite having to open all of her mail, containing many, many boxes of felt, patterns, googly eyes, glue-gun sticks, twine and, most recently, alpaca wool. ‘I’m adopting a child, which is why I’ve been out of the office more than usual lately.’

Oh God, maybe she’s been making the felt animals for the kid she was hoping to have. Now I feel awful.

She goes on. ‘But this means that I will need a more involved assistant so I can spend more time at home. I don’t believe you want to be a more involved assistant.’

I’m sitting on my hands, making sure I stay deadly still until I know what is going on.

‘So, I have a proposal for you, one that I urge you to seriously consider.’ She takes a dramatic pause. ‘When we first started out and I hired you, I remember you were great at many things, even things that you had no real background in. This is the moment where I apologize to you. I have done you a disservice; I should have found you a more suitable, more challenging role that made the most of your strengths, but instead I kept you as my assistant, a selfish move on my part.