I check the clock to see how long I have left in this thing. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes left and then I’ll be free.

The kids currently being distracted by an elf, who can both talk and walk more freely, I take the opportunity to look around and gauge how my cards are doing. Having no peripheral vision means that I keep having to turn my whole body in the direction I want to see. I rotate about ninety degrees and find myself staring straight at Peter. I think an errant antler hits him in the head.

‘Gosh, sorry, it’s quite busy in here, huh?’

I am momentarily stunned, but then realize he has no idea who’s inside the costume. So I nod.

‘Well, I’ll let you get back to it then.’ And he meanders off, totally unaware of all the feelings and questions his presence has caused.

Peter is here. All of a sudden this costume simultaneously feels like a heat prison and a protective cloak.

Why is Peter here?

I rotate back to the horde. The kids are still being entertained by the elf, so I decide to follow Peter.

He takes quite a circuitous route, which due to my size and logistical issues I can’t follow, but he does eventually stop at my card station. Because of where I’m positioned, I can’t see his face. I want to see his face.

I try to manoeuvre myself subtly around a dangerously overloaded display of festive china – cute stacking mugs that together form a happy snowman – and edge closer.

The girl next to him picks up one of my cards and chuckles. Despite my focus being on Peter, my heart can’t help but do a little happy dance at the noise. She likes a card! And she’s a random stranger! This is so exciting!

He looks at the girl, and now I can see his profile. He looks tired and stressed, but he still smiles and she smiles back at him. I instantly want to hit her. ‘They’re funny, right? I know the person who makes them.’

Her smile, if anything, gets even more dazzling.

I’m about ten seconds away from marching over when a group of dawdling fools walk right in front of me, blocking my view and restricting my ability to listen.

Once they’ve cleared, I try to shuffle closer, but it’s really hard to do because I’m about three times larger than my normal body size.

I feel a tug at my arm and turn towards it. It’s the elf.

‘I need you back.’

‘I’ll be there in one minute, but I need to watch this first.’ After I speak I remember that nobody can hear me through the padding.

I try again with my arms.

‘Please, they’re tyrants. I can’t control them any longer.’

Resigned to my fate, I nod, and look back briefly at Peter, who is now walking out of the shop.

CHAPTER 41

Finally, after the day of costume-wearing hell and a morning spent journeying on an overly full train that’s stuffed with presents, we’ve reached the Christmas holidays, the eating and drinking challenge that we’ve all been training for over the last month. And I’ve been eating even more than usual this year. I haven’t told either Mum or Fred about my decision to go down to part-time, and with great anxiety comes great hunger.