‘But I didn’t. I just launched myself at him. And now I can never actually tell him how I feel, because I’ve ruined it by acting like a drunken fool. And now I don’t know what to do. He hasn’t messaged me, so I guess I’ll take his lead.’

‘Why? Why not text him? That’s what I would do.’

‘Yes, but you’re beautiful. And beautiful people can get away with that.’ And I can be stubborn. Very stubborn.

‘I’m not even going to address that comment.’ Penny gives me a look. ‘So what are you going to do about it?’

‘Get a fake tan and do my nails?’

She rolls her eyes at me and I think she also tuts.

I pick up the coffees. Obviously I also ordered one for myself.

Penny is still looking at me.

‘So?’

I grab a handful of samples to take back to the office.

‘I’m going to pretend it never happened and move on.’

CHAPTER 38

Next Thursday arrives, and although I’ve made a decision, I’m still nervous about it. I’m sitting at my desk, unmoving except for my thrumming fingers.

I spent the whole weekend thinking everything through. I kept wanting to call somebody and talk over my reasoning, but of course the one person I wanted to call was Peter. He’s always been good at organizing my thoughts, even if right now thinking about him still has me scrambled, not least because he hasn’t messaged me at all since that night. Sure, I haven’t messaged him either, but he hasn’t even bothered to tell me that he is moving to Australia. Doesn’t he think I deserve to know?

Because I couldn’t call Peter I did the most Peter-like thing I could, and used Post-its to organize myself. They kept falling off my wall, but they were still helpful. And once all my thoughts were up there, it was clear my heart was saying ‘jump’, and eventually my head couldn’t argue any more.

I look back at the photo I took of the Post-its, the evidence I need to remind myself that I’ve made the right decision.

Mansi looks up from her computer as I knock on her office door. I wonder if she can already tell what I’m going to say. ‘Have you come to a decision?’

I remind myself that this is the right decision. I have one life; I might as well make the most of it.

‘Yes. I’d like to take you up on your offer, but I have some terms that I want to discuss with you first.’

She smiles and nods. ‘Come in. Let’s talk.’

I leave her office feeling more confident than I have in a while. She agreed to pretty much everything, even a pay rise; the only hard no was to my (half joking, of course) suggestion of bringing a dog into work. It would help morale. She even agreed to become something of a mentor to me.

Mostly, I feel relieved and proud at making a decision, and taking the route that requires the bigger leap.