We then do something really awkward, and we have a hug. I’m not too sure who went in first, and I don’t think either of us really meant to go in for a hug, but somehow we both got confused about what our arms were doing, and then weirdly and silently egged each other on until we found ourselves in this position. This sounds like a very poorly conceived sexual harassment defence, but I think we both enjoyed it.

CHAPTER 16

In need of escape and comfort, I’ve been home so often over recent weeks (I think this is my third weekend home on the trot) that my mum’s dog Hugo and I have now built up a lovely friendship. Up until now, he and I have had a fairly competitive relationship. Mainly because as soon as Hugo entered our lives, it was obvious that my mum loved him more than she loved me or my brother. My mum never remarried after my dad died, and although she seemed perfectly happy by herself, she’s much happier with Hugo. Truthfully, a large part of me doesn’t blame her for preferring the dog over her own children. He’s never in a bad mood, he loves her cooking, and he doesn’t bark or bite.

He’s also a great therapist. I’ve never been much of a walker, but the spinning questions in my head spin a little less manically after a dog walk.

Today’s route is a safe one. I am not emotionally stable enough to take him somewhere new, somewhere I could potentially lose him, so instead we are doing a loop through the hay field, and will then cut through the playground before heading back home.

Luckily, he seems to have a good time wherever he is, and we are both getting something out of it. Hugo has been intensely sniffing leaves that only appear to be inconsequential, and I’m giving off the air of being a successful dog owner. If only these stupid flies would leave me alone, I could think without any distraction. I’m trying not to be offended that they’re finding my personal scent more appealing than the cow shit in the neighbouring field, but it’s hard.

And I really am in need of a think. I can’t get Mia’s words out of my head.

The thing with Mia is that she and I have always thought very differently, but we tend to end up in the same place. It’s just that I usually choose a slightly more scenic, one might say meandering, route. Take the way we became friends. We both studied History, and even had a couple of the same classes, but we lived in different halls, and only became friends once we bonded over our mutual appreciation of the south-west corner of the university library. She liked it because it was quiet and well positioned next to a lot of her required reading. I liked it because you could get a great view of Rupert MacDonald, who had fantastic shoulders. I’m pretty sure she initially found my presence quite aggravating (after all, I wasn’t really there to study the books), but soon enough she became used to me, and then one day even began to actively look for me.