‘I’m proud of you, Tim,’ she says, once we’re settled into our cramped mid-row seats on the plane. ‘You’re pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.’

‘You know me, Kerry. Adventure is my middle name.’ We both laugh.

Wilcox and his mates are off to high-end hospitals in exciting places, ideally by the beach. They’ll stay with doctor mates of their doctor parents in desirable condos. They’ll scrub-in to assist surgeons on cutting-edge procedures, in between trips to Niagara Falls or Ayers Rock.

The ones without the right pedigree – like Laura – are aiming to max out hands-on experience in remote African villages. A few have stayed home, mostly the GPs-in-waiting who get turned on taking blood pressures.

India is somewhere in the middle. I’ve picked one of the least deprived states, Kerala, with beaches where Kerry can sip chai and find herself, and a well-equipped hospital where I can observe without having to treat actual patients.

Even so, I keep asking myself what I have done. I haven’t flown anywhere since I was six, and that was only to Marbella when Dad was still around. I like things to stay the same. Just as the body is desperate for homeostasis, people need external stability, too.

Or, at least, I do.

But there’s one enormous positive. India is 5,000 miles from Joel and his supplies and that smug look he gets whenever I buy from him. Cold turkey scares me but it’s the only way, especially as I can’t rely on Joel anyway. I think he might be sampling the wares. Perhaps he’ll disappear into that underworld, so Kerry and I can live happily ever after.

Maybe spending these four weeks together will help me feel more secure. Lately, everything she does has seemed like a sign she’s about to leave me, from the eyebrow raises when I ask her how she is, to the moans about how frustrating her job has become, and the dangerous charity stunts she’s started to do in her spare time rather than spending it with me. Does jumping out of a plane mean she wants to jump out of our relationship? Does the cliff abseil mean she’s desperate to escape?

‘Penny for them?’ Kerry asks.

‘I can’t believe it’s really happening.’

‘I know! Hopefully you’ll find your specialty at long last.’

Most of my cohort already have plans for the future, but I’m paralysed by indecision. Not for the first time. However hard I try to forget it, my failure that night on the Lawns seems to follow me like a ghost.