So immediate and sharp that I yell, closing my eyes to block out everything else. It feels as though there’s a knife sticking into my chest.

We’re on the beach, watching surfers and paddle boarders and swimmers dressed as Vikings race around the old pier.

It’s a beautiful day to die.

‘Liv! I’m falling . . .’

Her arms hold me up and I open my eyes as she leads me towards a bench. Gravity makes me drop down heavily; she’s not strong enough to stop it.

The pain is still there.

A shock from my defib?

No. That feeling is unmistakable and brutal, but it’s always over in an instant. This horrible stabbing pain seems to be getting worse.

Instinctively I try to breathe more shallowly, and the agony lessens slightly. Leo is staring at me, and the terror in his eyes is unbearable.

‘Leo. It’s OK. Hold my hand.’

He takes it and I am aware of how warm his skin is compared to mine. I can feel sweat breaking out all over my body, and even though I am fighting it, my eyes are closing as I hear Liv shouting down her mobile:

‘Ambulance. I need an ambulance for my partner, we’re at the Paddle Round the Pier. I think he’s having a cardiac arrest . . .’

I can’t count this as one of my deaths because even though it’s life-threatening, my heart hasn’t stopped.

‘All right, so it seems that one of your ICD leads has perforated the muscles of your heart and that needs fixing now before it does more damage.’

‘Perforation? How did that happen out of nowhere?’ Liv is in terrier mode, as though this is something the poor junior doctor is personally responsible for.

‘Liv, we can work that all out later, OK?’ My voice sounds weak, though I try to smile for Leo’s sake. My parents are on their way back from seeing friends in London to pick him up, but I know the longer he has to see me like this, the worse it’ll be for both of us.

I beckon him forward. His Fred Flintstone costume is the only thing capable of making me smile right now. ‘Leo, mate, it’s going to be all right. Just a bit of wiring bent the wrong way, right, doctor?’

The doctor nods uncertainly. ‘It’s a bit more serious than that—’

I give him a warning look. Take the hint. ‘Leo, could you and Liv go and find the hospital shop and get me a chocolate bar for later?’

‘A Lion bar!’

‘Yes, one for each of us. And one for the doctor, too. Give me a quick kiss first, though.’

As he leans in, I want to pull him onto the trolley with me, to hold him till the last moment when they put the mask over my face. But I’m not that selfish.

‘Love you, Lion.’