On the hot August night after I get my A level resit results – the AA I needed four years ago – he takes me to the Regency on the front, buys us cava and a frighteningly large seafood platter and promises he won’t give up till I’m a doctor.

He helps me with my med school applications, researching the best places for mature students, sending off for booklets about how to get in, adding the right buzzwords to each section of the form. Meanwhile, he’s passed his resits and is a model final-year student. He’s even joined Narcotics Anonymous – his suggestion, though I can only imagine how painful he finds it sitting in a room talking to strangers about his feelings.

He does more hands-on caring for Elaine to give me space, yet he also refuses to do certain things when he believes she can do them herself. To my surprise – maybe his, too – she cooperates more than before and becomes quite self-reliant.

Change is good.

I love him.

But.

Isn’t there always a but?

But.

I don’t know if it’s enough to save our relationship.

We are trying our hardest and I don’t want to rush into any decisions, at least not until after Tim’s finals early next year.

Joel is out of the picture, too. That night after the triathlon, I knew it was only euphoria that made him think he loved me. On the drive home, he was quiet, perhaps because he was embarrassed, or because of what I told him about me doing the CPR. Either way, he’s kept his distance since then.

It makes things simpler for both of us.

Once I popped into the Girasol, which he’s running while Ant tries to settle his parents back in Spain. Four months ago, Joel couldn’t run a brush through his hair. I’d been worried he might have relapsed, but he looked well, even though he didn’t seem to want me to hang around.

Would these things have happened to Tim or Joel without my help? I am not vain enough to take all the credit, and I am trying very hard not to be a control freak. Still, I pushed Tim and Joel in the right direction. Knowing that is almost as much of a buzz as jumping out of a plane.

But now it’s time to put myself first.

Winter creeps up on me, but suddenly it’s mid-December, season of flu and alcohol poisoning. At least being busy makes time go faster.