The stink of the place comes back to me, so strong it turned even my stomach. And the moment the rags in the corner rearranged themselves into the shape of the first man I loved is one I will never forget.

‘You saw that place, Ant. I don’t think I’d have been able to live with myself if I’d left him there and he’d died. Even if he’s no longer the Joel I knew.’

Ant nods. ‘You two were close, once. I even thought you might end up . . . well, together.’

I laugh a little too loudly. ‘I’ve never been his type.’

‘No. Sure.’

‘I ought to get back home, I’m behind on revision.’ I give Ant a quick hug. ‘But we’ve crossed one bridge, right? He’s clean.’

It’s hot and busy as I walk along the seafront, still holding my beer bottle. I don’t feel like rushing back to the bungalow. The atmosphere there is as oppressive as the weather: Elaine has no idea Tim has failed, but she’s sensitive to the tension and keeps asking pointedly if anything’s wrong.

Everything is wrong. Before, I always thought that whatever our ups and downs, at least I could trust Tim. Now I don’t believe a word he says.

I should walk away from Tim and Joel. Marilyn would have told them both to piss off. So would my mother. But I don’t have their confidence, never have done. While they loved the limelight, I stayed hidden – until that moment on the Lawns when Joel needed me, when I suddenly felt I existed. No, more than that: I felt I was worth something.

Is that what I’m trying to get back, by being needed? The thought makes me want to escape, from them and myself.

The sun on my back reminds me of India. Could I run away right now? Sneak back into the bungalow for my passport and driving licence, then get on the train to Gatwick and board the first plane south? I could be seeing the sunrise on a beach tomorrow morning. Alone.

But I won’t do it. I have exams to take, my own future to plan. Also: I’m not a quitter. However mad it seems to everyone else, I have to see this through.

I have an abseil booked for the day after my last exam and, on instinct, I decide to drag Joel along with me. He puts up a token fight, but I think he’s relieved to get out of the cafe.

On the drive to Arundel Castle, he keeps checking his reflection in the wing mirror. ‘Shit, I look rough. Older than my dad.’

He is pale, but since withdrawal, he’s had a fortnight of wholesome food and his body has lost the bloated look, while his face is a lot less gaunt.