I would never have said our sex life was up to much, but I thought that was just something that came with settling down. If you sleep with the same person for long enough, you’re bound to get into a bit of a rut, right? But who cares? I’d rather be happy with someone I love than sexually satisfied by someone who is otherwise a terrible person, who I don’t feel anything else for.

We just never had a spark in that respect – perhaps he does with Eva? Although I seriously doubt his lack of staying power and inability to light the fireworks is anything to do with me specifically… I don’t think… I don’t know if it’s preferable, that the sex drove him elsewhere, otherwise it’s a problem with me – how I look or, worse, my personality. I never professed to be a porn star, but I do like to think I’m a good person.

‘Oi,’ Ali says to me, yanking me from my thoughts – it’s as if she knows! ‘Fancy a double-date later?’

‘Yes,’ Eva squeaks.

‘Not you two,’ she replies. ‘Freddie, Lila, me and my bloke. Double. What would a date with five people look like?’

‘I’m sure you’d know,’ I tease.

Ali wiggles her eyebrows.

‘Ciao, bonjour, hola, hello,’ a man says. He’s a twenty-something guy, with olive skin and dark hair, the ends of which are frosted. It reminds me of when I was at school, and a bunch of the boys tried Sun-In spray, to give them that boy-band look all the girls were on the hunt for. He’s wearing a bright red San Valentino T-shirt, as is the tall blonde woman next to him.

‘Hey,’ she addresses us, revealing an American accent. I feel Freddie squirm awkwardly, but she doesn’t seem to recognise him – I don’t mean recognise him because they went to the same school, I realise America is a big place, but she could be a fan. Her gaze does linger over him, for maybe a split second longer than it does with everyone else, but that could just be because he’s so beautiful, so easy to admire. With his messy hair and his sunglasses, he still looks like someone… it’s just not always easy to tell who.

‘I’m Matteo, this is Zoey,’ the man starts, enthusiasm surging through his veins, causing his limbs to flail around in all directions. ‘And it’s our job to make sure you guys have a good time.’

Eva shuffles excitedly in her seat but the rest of us are otherwise indifferent. We didn’t come here expecting Disney World, with Mickey and Minnie entertaining us throughout our stay. Like most people, I imagine, we came here to relax.

‘You guys have come at a very special time,’ Zoey says. ‘Tonight is the start of our Mr & Mrs Valentine.’

‘Mr & Mrs Valentine?’ Ali says, practically spitting the word back at her. Ali has absolutely zero time for corny stuff. ‘Like the naff TV show?’