‘Oh,’ I say, when I open the door. It isn’t one of Ali’s admirers (although it probably will be, because it’s a male), it’s one of my fake ones.

‘Well, that’s not the reaction I expected.’ Freddie laughs.

‘Sorry, hello,’ I say. ‘I completely forgot we were meeting today.’

‘Holy… fucking… shit,’ I hear Ali say behind me.

‘Good morning to you too,’ Freddie says cheekily, waving at her.

‘Ho-o-o-o-oly, fucking…’

‘For future reference, this is how people usually react to meeting me,’ Freddie leans in and tells me quietly. ‘Not ask me to make them a drink.’

‘Har-har,’ I reply. ‘Freddie, this is Ali. Ali, this is—’

‘Edward Eden,’ she says with a gasp.

‘Only on the weekends,’ he jokes as he offers Ali a hand to shake. Instead, Ali rushes over to him and hugs him, as if she knows him intimately.

‘Do you know how many times I’ve touched myself to your movie?’

Oh, she does know him intimately.

‘I understand why you’re hiding on an island now,’ I tell him.

He just laughs. I’m guessing he’s used to this.

‘What are you doing here?’ she asks him. ‘Why are you talking to her?’

I’m ‘her’ now, am I? I was ‘babe’ when we met the hotel employee.

‘I’m here for my date with Lila. We’re—’

‘Oh, no, don’t worry, this is my best friend, Ali,’ I babble. ‘You can tell her it’s not a real date. Freddie has been helping me annoy Daniel, by pretending we’re a thing. We’re not a thing though.’

‘We’re not a thing,’ Freddie echoes.

‘Can I get in on this?’ she asks. ‘I love annoying Daniel.’

‘Sorry, Fred, can we reschedule? I had no idea Ali was going to turn up but—’

‘You are absolutely not rescheduling,’ Ali insists. ‘Go for your date. I’ll just get acquainted with the pool.’

‘Can you give me five minutes?’ I ask Freddie.

‘Sure,’ he says. ‘I’ll wait outside. My manager has asked me to call him. Great to meet you, Ali.’

‘Marry me,’ she jokingly calls after him. She waits until we’re alone before she says anything else. ‘“Fred”? You’re on nickname terms with Freddie “fuck me” Bianchi?’

I don’t know if that’s a movie reference or just something my friend is hoping for.

I never call him Fred. I don’t know why it came out so casually.

‘Yeah, he’s my neighbour. We’ve been hanging out. He pretended to be my… lover, I guess, to piss Daniel off when he turned up with Eva. It was so embarrassing, he really saved me.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asks.

‘Because you just asked him to marry you,’ I remind her. ‘You interested?’

‘Oh, I’m the most interested I’ve ever been,’ she replies. ‘But I’d never do that to you.’

‘We’re not a real couple,’ I point out. ‘There’s no way he’s interested in me. I’m not a movie star’s type. You are.’

‘Honey, I’m everyone’s type,’ she reminds me. ‘But Girl Code is Girl Code. He’s already yours.’