I joined Fetish and S&M groups, I attended fetish parties in California and New York, and I placed hundreds of personal ads in kinky contact publications. I met some interesting people and had a few wild encounters but I still had not found my dream woman. Then I answered an ad that I found in the contact section of one of the fetish newspapers. It was from a woman and all it said was something like, "Sadistic girl seeks sincere male to torture". I had answered similar ads before but they usually were just a professional Dominatrix trying to add to her clientele. This time, however, was different. After some letter writing and one very long phone call, I met this woman at a public bar.

Her voice sounded so sweet and innocent on the phone so I didn't think this woman was as at all as she had advertised. When she came over and sat down at my table in that bar that night, I thought I would faint right there. She was beautiful and very dominant. She was the very fulfillment of my fantasies.”

Jeremy went on to experience his own “Kalmann Diaries” with this woman only to find that reality was nowhere as enjoyable as the fantasy.

In fact, the reality was the opposite and left Jeremy feeling empty and totally unfulfilled.

“After I spent a week with this woman, I drove home and collapsed on my bed, a totally broken mess of a man. I wept and I shook and I just about had a total breakdown. I had no idea what day it was. I had stripes, welts, and deep bruises on my body from her whippings. I was ill to my stomach (from the IBS) and it would take me weeks to get my digestive system and bowels back to normal. Emotionally, I was a disaster. I never considered suicide or anything like that but I felt like I had totally wasted my life. I had thrown away my educational opportunity and wasted my money to pursue this obsession and now that I had experienced it, I was left unfulfilled and totally broken.”

Fortunately, Jeremy got his life back on track, enrolled in a community college and got that degree in Information Technology. However, Jeremy is still seeking for submissive fulfillment. He no longer wants a woman to abuse him but he does desire to find a woman who will dominate him with loving female authority. His negative experience with the sadistic girl did not alter his desire to be in submission to a woman.

Jeremy is wiser but still captivated by Female Domination.

Each of these men experienced the powerful desire to submit to a female.