‘Well, when I was in the grip of anorexia food was all I could think about,’ I say, remembering the room in the unit, the smell of boiled vegetables in the air, the weekly weigh-in. ‘I was obsessed with it. I would dream about it. Now I don’t give food a second thought. All I can think about is Elspeth and Sean and what happened that night at the river. That’s the difference.’

‘Okay,’ says Julia. ‘But I still think it’s something we’ll need to monitor.’

‘I understand your concern,’ I say. ‘But I don’t see why my background is important. What is important is getting my memory back.’

‘Maggie, we can use your background to get you out of that B & B,’ she says, looking up from the computer screen. ‘Which I don’t think is a suitable environment for someone in your current state. Your medical history just strengthens the case.’

She starts typing again. I sit and watch her, feeling utterly disconnected; a woman drowning on dry land.

‘So, as your GP,’ continues Julia, ‘I’m going to call Lewes Social Services today and strongly suggest that as a mentally vulnerable patient you be moved into more stable accommodation as soon as possible. I’m also going to prescribe a course of antidepressants to deal with your anxiety.’

‘Antidepressants,’ I say, my breath growing shallow again. ‘Are you sure? The last time I took them it wasn’t a good experience.’

‘The ones I’m recommending are much more advanced than what you were prescribed in your teens,’ says Julia. ‘Things have improved a lot since then.’

She looks at me and I feel like I’m being judged. She’s seen my medical notes. God knows what she must think of me.

‘What happened when I was a teenager … it was a very long time ago,’ I say. ‘I was so young … I didn’t know what I was doing. But I would never do something like that again. I didn’t harm Elspeth, you know that, don’t you? I loved my daughter more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.’

Julia stares at me for a moment as though she’s assessing whether I’m telling the truth. Then she takes a deep breath.

‘Of course. Now,’ she says, ‘the reason I mentioned your medical history wasn’t so I could haul you over the coals for your past behaviour. As I said, it simply adds weight to the case for getting you into more secure accommodation and tackling your anxiety issues. Both of which I consider to be urgent considerations and crucial to your recovery process.’

She stands up and retrieves a slip of paper from the printer.

‘Here’s your prescription,’ she says. ‘You can pop it into our on-site pharmacy. It’s on the first floor.’

I take the prescription and ease myself out of the chair.