Dear Mummy,

It was a weird day today. When I woke up I forgot where I was and for a moment I thought this had all been some horrible dream. But then I heard Zoe swearing at her phone and I realized I was still here. I lay on the bed thinking about my friends and my old school and that sadness lump in my chest got bigger and bigger until it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I must have made a choking noise because the next thing I knew Zoe had jumped off her bunk and was leaning over me asking me if I was okay. I told her I felt poorly and didn’t think I’d be able to go to school. She looked at me for a minute then did this weird laugh and said that if I wanted to survive here it would be best if I went along with what they want. But she said it in a nice way, like she was letting me in on a secret that was for my benefit. At breakfast she poured me a glass of orange juice and buttered some toast for me. ‘If you’re ill you need to eat,’ she said. She was right, the food did make me feel a little bit better.

At school I kept my head down. Luckily we have maths every day and I just worked my way through the worksheet. The sums are easier than the ones we were doing at my old school but I didn’t say anything. I just kept quiet then went and sat in my usual spot at break and hoped nobody would notice me. But then that boy who had thrown the pebble at me the other day came over and started kicking soil at me. I asked him to stop but he just kept going. I got really upset and ran inside. The teacher found me sitting in the cloakroom. I was crying so much it made my voice all shaky. I told her that I wanted my mum and then she took me to see the school counsellor.

The school counsellor’s name is Geoff. He’s got a beard and he’s quite fat. By the time I got to his office I’d calmed down a bit and didn’t really feel like talking. But Geoff started asking me all these questions about how I was feeling and what was making me so sad. He was trying to get me to talk about you I think. But I didn’t want to think about you or my sadness because then the stone would be back, sitting in the middle of my chest, and it would take me even longer to get rid of it. So I turned the tables and started asking him about himself. I asked him if he’d ever dissected a human brain and he said he hadn’t. And I said that it was foolish of him to think that he could get inside people’s brains if he’d never held one in his hands. He didn’t know what to make of that so he just asked me a couple more questions, scribbled my answers in his notebook and then I left.

I’ve been reading the sections on the human brain in my science book. I’ve figured that if I learn everything there is to know about the brain then maybe I can figure out what was going on in yours when you sent me away. And if I can figure that out then maybe I can convince you to come back for me.

Anyway, at home time I was coming out of the main doors when pebble boy – Alex is his name – grabbed my bag from off my shoulder and went running off with it. He threw it to his friend and shouted, ‘Catch the skank’s bag.’ They headed for the gate and I ran after them. I knew that Weasel Face would be furious if I lost my bag. When I caught up with them I asked them to give me it back. Alex laughed and said I had a funny voice. Then he threw it to his friend and said, ‘Watch out for the fleas.’ The friend flung it back at him and I jumped to try and catch it but I lost my footing and fell over. They burst out laughing and started chanting ‘skank, skank’ over and over again. Then I heard someone say my name. I looked up and saw Zoe. She was heading towards us, her face all angry. At first I thought she was angry with me but then she grabbed Alex by his neck and told him to give me the bag back. What she actually said was, ‘Give her it back now or I’ll kick your head in, you little fuck.’ (Sorry for swearing.) Zoe was really scary. Alex dropped the bag immediately. Then he and his friend ran off. I said thank you to Zoe but she just shrugged her shoulders and we walked home in silence.

I wish you had been waiting for me at the gate, Mummy. I wish it with all my heart. I’m beginning to think that you have a really important reason for sending me away.

Anyway, when you are ready, please come and get me.

I love you.

Your lovely daughter xxx