Dear Mummy,

I’ve cried so much tonight it hurts.

I don’t want to be here.

I started at the new school today and it was just horrid. I kept on getting lost because it’s a big building with lots of winding corridors and stairs.

When I got to the classroom the teacher told me to go and sit on a table with three other girls. They were all really neat and pretty with glittery hairbands and expensive shoes. When I sat down one of them said, ‘Yuk, what’s that smell?’ The other girls started laughing then the rest of the class started sniffing and pulling faces. This boy, who is much taller than all the others, got out of his seat and came over to me. He put his face right next to mine and said, in a really mean, hissy voice, ‘Skank.’ Then the teacher came over and told him to go back to his desk but for the rest of the morning I could hear him muttering it under his breath: ‘Skank. Skank.’ I tried to focus on the lesson, which luckily was maths, which I love, but my eyes were so full of tears it made the numbers dance across the page and I couldn’t catch them.

At break I walked around by myself for a bit. I thought about all my friends at my old school and what they would be doing. Probably playing dragons and fairies. I was always the dragon because I liked dragons best. The others would be fairies and I would chase them and cast spells. I wonder who’ll be the dragon now. The girls at the new school don’t play games like that. They just stand in groups, plaiting each other’s hair and doing handstands against the wall. I stood for a bit watching them but they just ignored me so I went and sat at the edge of the playground. There was a ladybird on the ground. I put my hand right next to it and it crawled on to my finger. It tickled but I got to see her beautiful spotty skin. It was glossy and smooth. And then I remembered the song we learned at nursery, ‘Ladybird, Ladybird, fly away home. Your house is on fire and your children all gone.’ I started to sing it. Then something hit me in the head. I looked up and saw the tall boy from my class. He was standing there staring at me. ‘Look,’ he said to his friends. ‘The skank’s talking to herself.’ I was scared he was going to throw another pebble at me but then the bell went and I jumped up and ran inside.

At home time all the mums were standing round the school gate and for a second I imagined you standing there with them. But you weren’t. Then I heard someone call my name and saw Zoe. Weasel Face must have told her to walk me home. She didn’t speak, just nodded her head then lit up a cigarette. As we walked I could feel tears in my eyes. I didn’t want Zoe to see me cry so I stared down at the ground and thought about my happy things.

I love you.

Your lovely daughter xxx