‘I understand this is difficult,’ says Amanda, placing her hand on mine. ‘But we are all here for you. This is just a temporary measure. Think of it as a rest home, a place to spend a few days finding your feet.’

My heart feels like it will burst out of my chest. The memory of Elspeth fills my head. I need to talk to Sean. I can’t get through this without him.

‘Let’s just take one step at a time, eh?’ Amanda says, noticing my panic. ‘Now you wait there and I’ll come round and help you out of the car.’

As she shuts her door I am tempted to lock mine. I could sit here in Amanda’s little car for ever and never have to face the outside world again. Just sink into those memories.

The car door opens and I jump. The air outside is cool and brings me out of my thoughts.

‘Right then, love,’ Amanda says. ‘Let’s get you out.’

As I unfasten the seat belt I get a strange sensation up my spine. I see Elspeth looking at me instead of Amanda, her face quizzical.

Where are we going, Mummy?

Elspeth.

I don’t want to, Mummy.

‘Easy does it.’

Amanda is guiding me out of the car, and Elspeth is gone. Every movement hurts. Pain slices through my lungs as I step on to the pavement. Dr Elms says that there is no sign of inflammation, but I will need to use inhalers to build my lungs back up.

‘Now wait here a moment, love,’ says Amanda. ‘I’ll just get your things from the boot.’

‘My things?’ I say. ‘What things? You mean … from home?’

‘I’m afraid not,’ says Amanda, making her way to the boot. ‘It’s just some new clothes we cobbled together for you.’

‘Do you know what’s happened to all my stuff from Larkfields – from my house?’ I say. ‘When can I get it back?’

Amanda pauses then turns to face me.

‘We tried to get it for you,’ she says, putting her hand on my arm. ‘I went over to Larkfields myself but the new tenant said that everything had been thrown away by the landlords.’

‘What?’ I exclaim. ‘But they can’t do that. Surely it’s against the law?’

I think about Elspeth’s bedroom; her books and toys, her beautiful craft creations; all our photographs.

‘I’m ever so sorry,’ says Amanda. ‘I really am. Look, let me just get these bags out and then we’ll go inside and make a nice cup of tea.’

I wait on the pavement while she retrieves the clothes. I feel so fragile; as though the slightest touch could send me flying from this spot. I see myself landing in the middle of the road and shattering into a thousand pieces. It’s a tempting thought. How nice it would be to simply stop existing.