‘And you think I don’t blame myself every day?’ I cry, slamming my fists on the table.

He looks at me for a moment then puts his head down.

‘You should have told me,’ he said. ‘When you got the text. If you had nothing to hide then why all the secrecy?’

‘You were working all hours,’ I say. ‘I barely saw you in the months leading up to the accident. I actually thought you were having an affair, though now I know you were trying to pay off the debts. So if we’re talking about secrecy, Sean, you’re hardly blameless.’

‘What happened, Maggie?’ he says, lowering his voice. ‘With Barbara? I mean, I’ve read about it and not one bit of it rings true. You’re not capable of something like that.’

‘Barbara was there that night,’ I say, looking down so I don’t have to meet his eye. ‘When the car started to roll I ran after it but I couldn’t get to Elspeth. I screamed to Barbara to help but she just stood and watched. She watched our little girl drown.’

I look up. His face is crumpled. I want to reach out and take his hand but I know I can’t.

‘That night at Ketton House she tried to do it again,’ I say. ‘She had a knife and she was coming for Julia. She would have killed her. I’m convinced of that. I stepped in between them and … it all happened so fast. I didn’t know what I was doing.’

He’s not fooled for a moment. I know that. Sean has always been the one person who can read me, who can understand me. But he doesn’t press the matter and it’s in that moment I remember why I fell in love with him all those years ago.

‘So how long will you be in here for?’

‘Four years,’ I say. ‘It could have been longer but because I pleaded guilty to the manslaughter charge I was given a lighter sentence.’

‘Four years,’ says Sean, putting his hand to his mouth. ‘Jesus, Maggie.’

‘My solicitor says I could be out in eighteen months,’ I say. ‘And it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve got a little job in the prison library and –’

‘This Julia,’ he says, pronouncing the name as though it, too, is a lie. ‘What kind of person is she? I read that she’d been in care.’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘She had a terrible childhood but she came good. She went to Cambridge and now she’s a GP.’

Sean looks at me for a moment.

‘What?’ I say. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘It’s nothing,’ he says. ‘Just, well, I hope she realizes what you’ve done for her.’

I look at him. Just as I suspected, he’s seen right through me.