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Chapters (67)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. The Staring at the Wall Club
  4. The Pink Car
  5. Teatime in Germany
  6. Writing for Dummies
  7. I’ve Got Problems
  8. Up Our Tree
  9. No Way!
  10. I Hear Voices
  11. Ten Things
  12. Early Alarm
  13. The Grass Cutters
  14. Rebecca’s a Genius ☺
  15. Guilty ☹
  16. Jake’s a Genius
  17. SCUBAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
  18. The Army in the Box
  19. Dad, Help!
  20. Our Square Is a Battlefield
  21. Weakness
  22. Me, the Knight and the Wardrobe
  23. X + Y = Spy!
  24. Pass the Sauce
  25. Astroboy2008
  26. We Spy
  27. What Have I Done?
  28. Tipping Point
  29. That Kid
  30. Loser!
  31. Desperation
  32. Gunfight
  33. No Chance
  34. Postmortem
  35. I Can Keep a Secret . . .
  36. The Mechanical Turk
  37. Beginner’s Luck?
  38. Panic!
  39. Revenge?
  40. Champion!
  41. Tug of War
  42. The City and the Wall
  43. I’m Sorry, Jake
  44. Why Did Dad Do That?
  45. Surprise!
  46. First Round
  47. Tick, Tick, Tick
  48. Blue Lights and Disinfectant
  49. Is It Okay to Pray Only When You Want Something?
  50. Stage Fright
  51. Hugs and Soppy Films
  52. Plan B
  53. Uh Oh!
  54. What Mr Keytes Said
  55. Teatime in Germany, Again . . .
  56. Worms in My Belly
  57. Final
  58. Down, But Not Out
  59. Knockout
  60. When We Are Famous
  61. Can’t Wait Till Morning
  62. Alerts!
  63. What Do I Do?
  64. Confrontation
  65. Final Curtain
  66. Zip Wire
  67. Acknowledgements

‘It’s okay. Neuer morgen, neuanfang,’ he says sharply.

‘What does that mean?’ I ask.

‘New morning, new start.’

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Ten Things

The whole house seems to shake when Granddad gets up in the morning, not because of his heavy footsteps but because all the clock alarms go off at the same time, including the two cuckoo clocks on the landing. I can hear his footsteps thudding as he rushes around the house turning them all off.

There isn’t one in the guest room though; Grandma told me that a guest should always feel like they are on holiday and be able to rest. So that’s what I’m doing, resting in the pink bed with pink pillows and pink duvet surrounded by pink walls and pink curtains, which make every day start like the sun is out (my grandma said that too, not me).

I pull on my socks and trousers. Granddad’s radio is playing German brass band music in the kitchen and the smell of bacon is wafting up the stairs. I puff out my cheeks. I wonder what Granddad has planned for me today – probably just a trip to Aldi! If it was Mum or Dad, I’d be going to the cinema or something – one time Dad even took me to the Memorial Stadium to watch Bristol Rovers. I wish I was going to watch Rovers, even if Dad did get annoyed last time because I kept fidgeting – and when I did sit still I daydreamed so much that I missed two goals.

I pull my sweatshirt on and head downstairs. On every step the music grows louder, but when I reach the bottom there’s no sign of Granddad in the kitchen. I walk into the dining room. He’s not there either. Maybe he’s forgotten about it. Maybe he’s not only talking to himself but he’s wandered off on his own like Mrs Gough did last year. She only went to the shops, but a day later the police found her walking along the M4 motorway towards the Severn Bridge.

My heart skips when I see a note on the dining room table. Please, Granddad, not you, not when Mum and Dad aren’t here to look for you.

I pick up the note and start to read.

Ten things I’d like to teach Felix.

The writing turns blurry. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and start again.

Ten things I’d like to teach Felix.

1.   How to clean brass.

2.   How to do the Bavarian Schuhplatter Knee Dance.

3.   How to do clean the patio slabs.

4.   How to mow a straight line on the lawn.

5.   How to play chess.

6.   How to make Rouladen.

7.   How to play ‘Hoppe, Hoppe, Reiter’ on the glockenspiel.

8.   How to shred paper.

9.   How to read a book without losing your temper.

10.   How to clean mould from the shower curtain.