I look at my phone in disbelief. There must be some way out of this. I search for something that says the lessons are at five o’clock in the morning or late at night. Or you can’t only have one; it’s a course of ten and costs five hundred pounds. I’d make something up if Granddad wasn’t still looking over my shoulder. Come on, there must be—

‘Oh look.’ Granddad points at the screen and reads, ‘ “Come along on Fridays at the friendly time of seven in the evening. There’s a special concession rate for old-age pensioners and children.” See.’ He smiles at me. ‘This is perfect.’

I scan the rest of the website. There has to be something. I have to get out of this. There!

‘Ah, no, Granddad!’ I show him the screen. ‘All health problems must be declared.’

‘That is okay. We don’t have to tell them about your problem. Besides, it doesn’t matter if you can’t sit still with scuba diving.’

‘No, Granddad,’ I say. ‘I meant you.’

‘Pwah.’ Granddad waves his hand in the air. ‘They don’t need to know about that.’

‘But wouldn’t that be lying, Granddad? What if you had a giddy spell like you did in Halfords last year?’

‘Mmm . . .’ Granddad’s smile disappears. ‘That’s true,’ he sighs. ‘I don’t want your dad to stop work to pick me up again . . . Let me think about it, but maybe you are right.’

‘Okay, Granddad.’ I click off the screen.

He’s still not discounting it! I have to do something to take his mind off scuba diving. ‘Granddad,’ I say brightly, ‘is there anything else you want to do now?’

‘Well, not really . . .’ he says like he’s still thinking. ‘Perhaps we should just make tea.’

Jake’s a Genius

(I think)

‘So that’s it,’ whispers Jake. ‘We’re going to sleep in our tree on Saturday night. Bring a sleeping bag and torch.’

‘I’ll try,’ I say. ‘But I might be playing chess if Granddad goes through with the scuba diving.’

‘He won’t,’ says Jake. ‘We both know that when adults say they’re thinking about it, they actually mean no.’

‘I hope so. He had me out on the lawn naming the squares with letters and numbers after tea last night.’

‘How did you get into this, Felix?’ Jake shakes his head. ‘Chess . . . Chess? My Auntie Laura got me a set ages ago and told me off because I coloured in the white squares with red crayon.’

We both laugh.

‘Lads, the film is about to start,’ says Mr Keytes.