At what point had we given up on each other and settled for what we had now? A relationship where we muddled along, taking each other for granted and barely communicating beyond the mundane everyday necessities of what we were going to eat, who was picking up the dry cleaning or going to plant the spring bulbs. Was it after our two boys, Sam and Jed, had left home? Or later? A slow fading-away of passion, to the comfortable stagnancy of familiarity and death of desire. Although we’d been together a long time, ridden the rollercoaster of marriage with good and bad times, more recently we’d become like lodgers sharing the same house. We had two TVs (one in the living room, one in the bedroom), we had two bathrooms, two cars, and occasionally slept in separate beds because sometimes Matt snored like a bear with a blocked nose.

I glanced at the booklet Lorna had left me. Gardening classes – they would be good, but when would I fit them in? I found a piece of paper and pen and began to outline my week to see if I could find a space.

• Monday
• Day: Receptionist job at the local doctor’s (temporary). I am really a global, bestselling children’s author (undiscovered due to the fact I haven’t finished a book yet).
• Evening: writing class (learning how to be global, bestselling author and how to get published).
• Tuesday
• Day: Writing. Yoga class.
• Evening: Film club or book club (alternate weeks).
• Wednesday
• Day: Receptionist job again.
• Evening: Choir.
• Thursday
• Day: Receptionist job.
• Evening: Supper with friends Debs and Lorna or Zumba.
• Friday
• Day: Supermarket shop. Writing my bestselling children’s novel. (Hah, that’s a joke, I thought. So far I have several abandoned attempts in a drawer in the desk in my study, and have written Chapter One of a new book on my laptop. I mean the words, Chapter One, not the actual chapter one with sentences and the beginning of a plot line and all.)
• Evening: Pilates then drink with the group.
• Saturday
• Household chores. Walk with walking group.
• Sunday
• Day: Visit Dad in Chippenham.
• Evening: New Age therapy course with Debs (i.e., couple of hours of clearing chakras, waving crystals and acting like a pair of lunatics).

No space for gardening classes unless I let something go, I thought. Not wanting to disturb Matt, I began to outline his week too.

• Monday–Friday: Work 8 a.m.–8.30 p.m.
• Evenings: Home. Occasionally has a work-related dinner; otherwise home for supper and he watches the news, history channel, sci-fi or a war film.
• Saturday
• Day: Chores. Sometimes watches the rugby or football.
• Evening: Sometimes pub with brother Duncan.
• Sunday
• Reads the papers, front to back. Catches up on emails and work. Dozes in front of the TV.