Once back inside the warmth of my house, I found my laptop and googled Saranya Ji again to see if anyone had left a review of her readings. Once again, the pages came up showing links to people with that name, but not my Saranya Ji. I googled psychics in India and found that there were hundreds, some with thousands of reviews, many who claimed to do past life readings but, again, no sign of the woman we’d seen in Udaipur. Marcia must have found her somewhere, but I was hesitant to email or text to ask her where. It would indicate interest, and that would be adding fire to Marcia’s flame, something I did not want to do. Best I forget all about it, I told myself, it’s a pile of nonsense anyway.

I went upstairs and flicked the TV on; I could unpack later. The screen filled with a commercial showing the perfect Christmas, a big happy family around a festive table, everyone laughing and smiling as newcomers arrived and were welcomed at the door. I changed channels to see that a rerun of The Holiday had just started. I’d seen it before. Two women, Kate Winslet in the UK and Cameron Diaz in the USA, do a house swap and find the loves of their lives. Now there’s a thought. Maybe next year I should do just that: take off to a house in the middle of nowhere and hide under a blanket until Christmas – and all its reminders that I was on my own – had passed. And maybe, just maybe, some handsome hunk in an Aran sweater, looking like Jude Law, would turn up and rescue me then … with my luck, would probably run off with one of my friends.

8

Should I text, phone, turn up with a bunch of flowers? Send a card? Send something amusing? What should I say? And what if my feelings for Bea aren’t reciprocal? I’m not her type, after all? I don’t know. Not really. Am I mad to imagine she would want a man like me? That’s just a chance I’ll have to take. Faint heart never won fair lady, and all that. Nor is this the time for self-doubt. Does she even suspect I harbour such deep feelings for her? I think she must know but then … why would she? But is it the right time? I have complications that I need to clear. Best wait a while? Yes. Clear the decks. The timing must be right.

9

‘Love the tree and it smells wonderful in here, of pine forests,’ I said when I arrived at Pete and Marcia’s on Christmas Day to see a Norwegian spruce, as tall as the ceiling, in the hall. It had been decorated in red and gold and piles of presents were heaped around the base, to which I added the bag-full I had brought with me.