‘A good death,’ friends said. ‘He wouldn’t have known anything.’ I knew they meant well. Good or bad death, the house felt empty, the bed too big, the silence unbearable, our dreams of a family and long life together gone. My world changed so fast, and the motto from my earlier life was once more reinforced: love brings pain, and those you love, leave you.

41

Wednesday evening was recycling night. I carried my various boxes to the pavement to leave them for the bin men to collect the next morning.

‘We have to stop meeting like this,’ said a voice behind me, and I turned to see Jon who had just come out of his house. He carried recycling boxes to the pavement. ‘See, I finally got the hang of it. Plastics, glass and cardboard, all separate. Gold star for me.’ He put his boxes out then looked up at the sky. ‘I can think of more romantic locations.’

‘Who said anything about romance?’ I said as I turned to go back inside.

‘Come and have a drink with me,’ he said. ‘I’ve got Chief permanently now. He’ll be happy to see you.’

‘I …’

‘Are you doing something?’

‘Just finishing packing.’

‘God, yes, you’ve sold up, haven’t you? Come and tell me all about it. What are your plans?’

‘That’s the big question. But what about you? I haven’t seen you around lately.’

‘Ah, so you’ve missed me?’

‘In your dreams.’

‘A man can hope, can’t he? Look, Bea, I appreciate we got off to a bad start; no, actually I think we got off to a great start … then I messed up. I realize how things might have seemed. I’m not really that man. Let me make it up to you and let’s get inside, it’s freezing out here.’

He wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I closed up my house and went over to his. I was curious to hear what he had to say. Inside, it looked homely and warm. He’d obviously been working on the place since I was last there and put up pictures and prints, books on the shelves, rugs on the floor.

‘White or red wine?’ he asked as he took my coat. ‘Make yourself comfy.’

‘White. Thanks,’ I said as I sat on the L-shaped sofa in his sitting room. ‘It’s looking good in here.’

‘Starting to look like someone lives here at last.’

Chief came running out of the kitchen and sprang straight onto my lap.

‘Push him off,’ said Jon. ‘He shouldn’t be on the furniture but I’m afraid he’s rather spoilt.’

‘Rather a dog than a snake,’ I said.

‘Snake?’

‘Long story. I met up with an old friend. He keeps snakes.’

Jon pulled a face.

‘Exactly. Not my thing either.’