‘We’ll see,’ I said. ‘I am not getting my hopes up there. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.’ Those were the words that came out of my mouth, but inside was another story. Some ever-hopeful part of me thinking, maybe time for a new T-shirt?

22

Heather and I continued working every day to prevent any shelves looking sad or empty. By evening, I was exhausted, but when I put my head on the pillow, sleep wouldn’t come. My mind was on high alert, firing off ideas, filing things I’d done, listing things to do, people to contact, thinking about Grace Harris waiting for Billy to return to the war and how anxious she must have felt, debating whether to text Michael or not. It had been two weeks since he’d come to Hampstead. I had his number, he had mine, but he hadn’t been in touch. Had I dreamt he’d been? Had I been too aloof? What was he doing in Oxford? And what was going on with Stuart? He’d gone quiet too. I’d texted my apology for not being there for our walk, but he hadn’t replied which was unlike him, and when I’d dropped in to see him at his office on my lunch break yesterday, it had been closed up, which was most unusual.

At night, as I desperately sought sleep, I reminded myself that I must keep the house immaculate for potential viewings. There’d already been an offer, which I’d accepted. Should I have waited until a few more people had seen it? I would have to check out storage units and costs for if/when the house sold and I moved to Pete and Marcia’s. I would have to make a list of people to inform if I did move.

And on and on it went.

I couldn’t switch off and, as the days went on, the lack of rest began to take its toll. I needed to sleep.

‘Hypnosis,’ said Marcia.

‘No thanks,’ I said.

‘Nytol One-A-Night,’ said the lady in the chemist. It worked for three nights.

‘Night Nurse liquid variety,’ said Heather. Knocked me out for a couple of nights then it was back to staring at the ceiling.

‘Easy Sleep pillow spray with lavender,’ said Marcia. It had no effect but made the room smell lovely.

‘Valerian,’ said the lady in the health shop. No sleep and made me feel drugged the next day.

‘Remove all electric appliances from the bedroom, phone, digital clock, laptop, TV and don’t look online after eight p.m.,’ Heather read to me from a magazine. Tried that. I was still wide awake most of the night.

‘Wine, and lots of it,’ said Pete. It did send me to sleep but then I was awake at 2.30 a.m. with a cracking head-ache.