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Back Violence. Speed. Momentum. Save as PDF
Chapters (22)
  1. Dedication
  2. AUTHOR’S NOTE I’LL NEVER WRITE THIS BOOK
  3. PREFACE YAYAYAYA!
  4. INTRODUCTION OKAY, I’LL WRITE THIS BOOK
  5. CHAPTER 1 MY MULTIDIMENSIONAL BIRTH
  6. CHAPTER 2 LET’S SET A RECORD, BABY!
  7. CHAPTER 3 THE TWO-TIME
  8. CHAPTER 4 GROOMING WITH THE DOCTOR
  9. CHAPTER 5 ALL RIGHT, I’M BACK
  10. CHAPTER 6 THE DOC’S FIRST SPONSOR
  11. CHAPTER 7 THE SECOND TIME I DROVE A LAMBORGHINI (AND HOW YOU CAN DRIVE ONE TOO)
  12. CHAPTER 8 THE SECRET BEHIND WHAT, EXACTLY, I’M A DOCTOR OF
  13. CHAPTER 9 THE KUMITE EXCEPT FOR VIDEO GAMES AND ALSO IT’S REAL
  14. CHAPTER 10 THE ATHLETICISM—WOW!
  15. CHAPTER 11 THE KUMITE EXCEPT FOR VIDEO GAMES AND ALSO IT’S REAL
  16. CHAPTER 12 THE RIGHT FLIP PHONE FOR YOU
  17. CHAPTER 13 HOLLYWOOD DOMINATION—AND DOC’S DISILLUSIONMENT
  18. CHAPTER 14 WHAT I’M THE DOCTOR OF
  19. CHAPTER 15 THE END???
  20. EPILOGUE FROM THE DESK OF NIGEL P. FARNSWORTH III
  21. AFTERWORD DID YOU REALLY THINK I’D GIVE THAT PUNK EDITOR THE LAST WORD IN MY BOOK???
  22. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

So yeah, my Dimension #;K@1}` origin is pretty simple, all right?

I was born on this dying alien planet, and my parents launched me into space right before the whole place exploded. Then I landed on Earth and was adopted by these really, really rich parents who were both killed by these robbers in a dark alley after the opera, then I got bit by a radioactive spider, then my uncle got murdered by another robber when I was giving pro wrestling a try. Then I went to this secret island called Themychlamydia, where I was the daughter of Hippolyta with a cool prototype lasso, and I had the violence of Athena and the speed of Aphrodite and the momentum of Hera, and then I got this green power ring from some alien dude. Oh yeah, and I could talk to fish and I was all ripped and muscly and Hawaiian and spoke fluent Dothraki.

Then I was like:

“The name is Dr Disrespect.”

Except for some weird, supernatural reason that I totally couldn’t guess or understand, it had this badass reverb when I said it. So it sounded like:

“The name-ame-ame is Doctor-octor-octor Disrespect-ect-ect-ect.”

And with that, the Doctor was born.

I. Maybe you even heard of another origin story where I got my start in a small room with an old 1800s antique desk and a $300 Hewlett-Packard computer. Did it happen? Did it not happen? Is any of this real? OF COURSE IT IS. Every. Last. Word. Boom—that was just a fourth dimension. Yeah, try to keep up.

CHAPTER 2 LET’S SET A RECORD, BABY!

Did you think this was gonna be one of those stupid old-school books where you just sit around and do passive things like “read words” and “be entertained”?

Because if you did, you should probably just close this book and go back to your simple sheeplike life of grazing the tasty fields of mediocrity right now.

On second thought, I don’t want you returning the book for a refund. I mean, let’s not get crazy here.

But you should know that what we’re about to embark on together will demand a higher level of excellence and dominance and stone-cold-killer ruthlessness than you, dear reader, have ever experienced.

That’s right, we’re about to break a world record.

And not just any world record. We’re talking about possibly the oldest, most sacred record ever established in the annals of history: the record for the most people screaming my custom, legally trademarked Dr Disrespect Battle Cry™ “yayaya” at one time, across the Earth, for at least a minute and a half.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.