You’re thinking, “Doc, but I just checked the Guinness Book of World Records, and I don’t see any record listed for the number of people screaming your custom Dr Disrespect Battle Cry™ ‘yayaya’ at one time, across the Earth, for at least a minute and a half, or actually anything that even, like, sounds like that at all.”

And my answer is that making history has nothing to do with small-minded facts and everything to do with greatness.

Also, you’re looking at the wrong edition of the Guinness Book of World Records. There was a special edition released in Japan in 1972, and it very specifically states that the record for the number of people screaming my Dr Disrespect Battle Cry™ “yayaya” at one time, across the Earth, for at least a minute and a half, was set in March of that year with 1,322,417 people. It’s a really rare book, like a collector’s item, and I’m lucky I found a copy.

Cool, so here’s what we’re gonna do. At the count of three, we’re all gonna start screaming the “yayaya’s. I’ll type them out for you on my prototype Dell Inspiron with WordPerfect 5.1 emulator. And make sure you read every last “ya,” because I’m timing it perfectly to get to one minute and thirty seconds.

All right, ready? Okay, one-two-three-go!

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayaya—

FUCK.

Man, I’m so sorry, you guys. We were super, super close there, like seven seconds away. But I just started getting all these urgent notes from Nigel the Editor on AOL Instant Messenger.

This right here is an official…

Real-Time Update

Okay, so he’s saying that this record makes absolutely no sense, given the immutable laws of time and physics.

I mean, I guess that’s your opinion, man. But who’s the Doctor here? Yeah, I am.

And now Nigel says at this point in the book all my readers might not even understand the significance of “yayaya,” so I should discuss its secret origin and what it means to me as a person and an elite competitor. He also keeps using the word “indeed” for no good reason.

I mean, it’s really not that complicated. It’s just the terrifying guttural scream I make whenever I feel it in my stones, you know? Like deep in my massive steel cojones, right? Like say you take out some skinny punk in Modern Warfare and it’s “Yayaya!” or you knock back a brew with some of your buds and it’s “Yayaya!” or you finally squeeze out a massive dump and it’s “Yayaya!” There’s no, like, secret to it. It’s just fucking “yayaya,” you know? It’s universal.

You got “Yáyáyáyá” in Spanish. Then there’s “Farfegnugyäyäyä” in German, and “יאיאיא” in Hebrew, which, remember, is read right to left.