She laughs sarcastically. “Except she couldn’t possibly know what a terrible mother I was to Savi as a baby, right? I was terrified of any baby, but especially one that wasn’t mine. I didn’t know what to do. So many days, I thought about dropping him on someone else’s doorstep or putting him up for adoption—though I couldn’t legally do that—but then I’d hear Paul’s voice in my head … and I figured I just needed a little time to try and find Evelyn and get her the help she needed. So I hired Pam in the interim, who’s sweet but clueless. She did what she was told.”

“I still don’t understand how you kept Savi and Pam from telling anyone you had a baby. Elmhurst talks.”

She sighs. “They do, but not when you’re invisible. Look, I’m not proud of it, but I told Savi we could get in real trouble if she uttered a word to anyone. I told her to just let me find Evelyn first, and then we’d figure it out.

“But Evelyn literally disappeared. I even hired someone to find her, but she didn’t want to be found. I didn’t know what to do. To make matters worse, anytime I stepped foot around Oliver, he cried. I thought it was my punishment.”

“Punishment for what?”

“For being a self-absorbed wife. For not appreciating Paul when I had the chance. For making him choose between blood and us. And now this. I seem to sabotage anything good in my life. I never meant to hurt you, Rebecca. I swear.”

My heart aches. “But you did. You did hurt me.”

“I know.”

I don’t want her sob story or her apology, but I let her continue. She tells me that in her eyes, Oliver represents Evelyn. Evelyn represents Paul. Paul represents death.

“Paul was too loyal for his own good,” she explains. “It was his loyalty that killed him.” Her voice breaks.

I fish the pacifier from my pocket, freshly cleaned, and pop it into Jackson’s mouth. I rock him as she talks—as though we are two friends spilling our guts and not two women facing off in a precinct.

“Why didn’t you just get some help?” I ask.

She laughs again, a cold, hollow sound spilling from her lips. “I was a mess. Paul had just died. I couldn’t even bring myself to unpack the boxes. I was drowning in debt. We’d just moved, I was trying to build my business, and then this baby appears…”

Silence fills the gaps.