I laugh, surprising even myself with how unfamiliar that sound is to my own ears. “You have no idea what I think.” All of my feelings just moments ago about not pressing charges and letting her go free evaporate as easily as they came. There is only one thing I feel: a mother’s rage. And I will not leave without a clear answer as to why she’s done this to me.

“I can’t…” She loses her words, regains them. “I’m just so sorry.”

I sit across from her, Jackson bucking his wild legs, pulling things off the table and wriggling in my arms. “How could you keep him from me?” I’m not sure if I mean Jackson or Oliver.

“I’m sorry.” She says those same ineffective words again, her voice cracking open to reveal something I’ve not yet heard: vulnerability.

“I thought you were my friend.”

“I am.” Crystal leans forward. “I’ve always been your friend.”

I move farther away. “Then tell me what happened.”

She sighs and adjusts in her chair. “The night Paul died … I don’t like to talk about it. His sister Evelyn had been calling him for months. He’d been secretly feeding her cash, sneaking away to meet her. I thought he was cheating.” She snorts. “In some ways, that would have been better. I tried to get him to choose: her or us. But he couldn’t. Paul was a loyal man. He was a family man. After his parents died, he felt an obligation to make sure his baby sister was okay, which I respected, of course.

“But she went too far. She always went too far. The night he died, she called in the middle of the night. She was stranded somewhere in downtown Chicago, and he told her he’d be right there. She didn’t have any money for cab fare. I woke up, but I didn’t tell him not to go. I was annoyed and didn’t even say good-bye.” She pauses. “If I’d just told him to stay, then maybe…” Her voice fades. “On the way there, he got hit by a drunk driver. Killed instantly.”

Her admission drops to a whisper, and I strain to hear.

“I was so furious with Evelyn. I blamed her for Paul’s death and told her I never wanted to see her again. But she was pregnant. She had no one. She disappeared after he died, and then two months ago, I open the door to find a baby on my doorstep. She left a note saying it’s what Paul would have wanted and that I’d be a better mother than she ever would.”