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Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Sehor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001

Oh hey! I haven't seen you in a long time! So . . . what are you here for? Oh. You're catering? Oh I see. That's why you are wearing a huge sombrero and kooky little poncho. It's a promotional thing for Senor Strawberry Liqueur. I thought that was, like, your whole "going somewhere fancy" outfit. I'm so dumb! Wow well tell your boss she did an amazing job designing this party! It looks so fun! Really fun! The castanets are a nice touch.

Oh, no no. I don't touch harsh alcohol. But, um, so long as you're offering, could I have another Amstel Carbless? Can I just rest my bottle on your tray?

Wait a second. Did I see you more recently? Like on TV or something?? Like were you one of the wacky competitors on that reality show, Who Da Fool?

Yes! I was right that WAS you! It's so cool that you did that . . . what season of Who Da Fool? was it again? Who Da Fool 4? 5? 16-17 million! Ha ha. That's GREAT. No! Really! It's very very very cool. Especially to put a face on people who suffer from sexual side effects from Askalar . . . just to show that there are NORMAL people in the world with Disorder who are coping.

Wow those ads for the show are so omnipresent. Good for you! Good for you! Did you pick out your own clothes for the show? Wow have you blown up! I mean on TV!

So now you are here.

Yeah . . . I guess those reality shows really don't result in much money, do they? That's the great myth of them, isn't it? It's so easy to get drawn in. Like Emmanuel Lewis, or some other child television actor so warped by his own fame that it stunts his growth, and he eventually ends up a punch line. Funny, our world.

It's so weird, I was watching TV, sort of half asleep after a long day and three-hour strenuous Pookalan workout and I kind of half recognized you but kind of didn't? And I just was sort of vaguely paying attention and said to myself—who are those jackasses on TV? And then you came on! But you look really tan and golden—did they touch you up a lot with all their weird caked TV makeup? Wow, you had to build a fort, and eat that horse bladder and create a small oven. That is really cool. Too bad you didn't win. But I'm sure that it will lead to something. Who was that reality show "survivor" last season who appeared in Teen Playboy? I can't remember her name. Well I am sure it will lead to something.

Oh wait I'm getting a text message from my boyfriend Viggo. Huh. Hee hee! Aw, how cute. Sorry. I just got distracted for a sec.