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Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

The next day I got a call from Suzan who wanted to meet up with me and "discuss my work." I don't know, but we met up and I guess she liked my parlor game performance and thinks that I should be in her next incredibly incendiary play in the fall. So.

It's almost not surprising. I mean I don't mean to sound arrogant. It's just that I went to this amazing, amazing psychic the other day. She told me the most amazing stuff about how I have a special connection with the sun.

Breaker! Leave Checkers alone! Don't tease poor little Checkers!

You know how the sun is really an exploded star and how lately there have been reports that it is flaring uncontrollably? How the Apocalypse is just around the corner? Well I am one of the few people who benefit from this situation. Astrologically. It's weird. I'm apparently getting stronger and reaching my goals, and have—oh! This is weird, but YOU came up. I was so surprised. But she told me to tell you "not to drink and drive"? And also that you should watch out for "the man who seems like he likes you"? Do you know what that may mean? Weird, huh?

Her house was amazing—full of ancient artifacts and cultural symbols from her many travels. She showed me these Guatemalan dolls she keeps in a tiny little pillbox. They are called the Worry People. She took them out and sprinkled them in her hand. There was a little baby and a mother and a bus driver and an old woman and a few others. Tiny little things. Apparently they speak to her and tell her things about the Other Side. They were the ones who told me I would get into the Whitney. They also gossip about each other—especially the old woman. God . . . could you imagine being stuck in a box with the same group of people and never escaping them?—and, even worse, someone gossiping about you for eternity? Scary!

Breaker! Be kind to Checkers! Let him hump your leg . . . he's dying. He just wants some love. Let poor little gay, dying Checkers hump your leg.

It must be so hard to have the one thing that loves you unconditionally begin to pass from this world. I thought I was never going to love again after Nicky died, but I survived.

It's just that I have been through SO MUCH the past few years. I really feel like I have paid my dues, you know? I'm always helping everyone. And now I just want to be successful so I can give more to candidates I believe in, artists I believe in like Tyler, theatrical efforts I believe in like Sam's new play, businesses that I feel are bettering the planet, and people who just need a boost like Greta and Carl. And, like, help you from getting permanent brain damage in the desert.