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Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

It's so sad how we're all going our separate ways, our little gang! The Clarkwell College Cabal! Sheila: the smart one. Tyler: the artist. Greta: the icy beauty. Sam: the actor. Me: the stable one. And you! The fun, funny crazy one! With all your plans and your spilling wallet and poetry writing and music and acting and whatever you have going on at the time! You're like the outsider of the gang. Not outsider-outsider. But I mean like, like Outsider Art. You know, like cute, sweet, weird. Like those artists who build towers in their backyard out of, like, TV dinner trays or who scratch the entire Bible into a bar of soap with their fingernail or who paint a mural of Imelda Marcos with chocolate pudding and end up in mental institutions. I mean like not obviously insane but more like all your efforts may not get you anywhere, may not be fully embraced by the public, but you're gonna just do it anyway, no matter what. And that's just great. You're like the outsider in that sense!

But I think what I'll miss most of all about college is working on staff at the Loon. It's too bad you never decided to work on the Loon. I feel like they totally would have understood your oddball sensibility there at that fun, scrubby, award-winning, risk-taking college humor magazine that has launched the careers of so many late-night talk show hosts and comedians. Whatever: politics. Everyone has to be so "cool" these days, you know? I'm really going to miss the Loon staff: Carson and Craig and of course Conan. I don't know, you never know who you're going to stay in touch with after college, but I know I'll stay in touch with Conan.

Meanwhile Sheila is already gone! Yeah, she just sailed through her LSATs and is spending the summer interning in New York City for some hotsy totsy star lawyer at this huge firm in Midtown. I know! It's amazing. I'm gonna miss her. She's nervous, but she has always been one of those people who barely has to study and just gets a 4.0. She's such a genius, which is such a godsend, because I had someone to hang out with since I had so much spare time too, since I can speed-read. She just gets it. Aw, remember how we would visit you in your favorite little nook in the library? Working so hard like a little elf!