She chewed on her lip, hating herself for how desperately she wished the dark silhouette that cast its form through the hour before dawn would stop and give her the slightest bit of reassurance. She knew it wouldn’t come. Nox wouldn’t stay in Yelagin. She knew that much to be true. But she wasn’t sure if she was ready to face life at the Selkie without her.

Nox’s delivery to Priory had felt like a small blessing from the All Mother, but the goddess hadn’t stopped there. Emily had Nox in her arms. She had the funny, brilliant, cunning, beautiful raven in her bed. She clung to her softness, her body, her moans and gasps and flavor. Nox had her whole heart. Emily crossed her arms in front of her chest, holding herself together against the ache that threatened to cause her to fall apart as she watched everything they’d built disintegrate.

Here Nox was, thousands of miles from the moonlit girl who had never kissed her the way Emily had, who had never touched her, never made love to her, never made her cry out or see the goddess or feel as Emily had, and Nox still chose Amaris over her time and time again. Emily hadn’t pressed the issue, knowing that when the beauty had breathed her name in bed, her heart had been with another. She’d wanted to fool herself into believing that one day, with enough time and space, things might change. Hope was all it was.

“Are you sure you don’t want company?” she asked, hating herself for voicing the question after all.

Nox shouldered the bag, finally ready to depart. Her face softened with kindness as she scanned Emily’s wilted features.

“It’ll be a hard road.” Nox shook her head, squeezing Emily’s hand.

“I could make it easier.”

“Em.…” Nox’s brows were the most expressive part of her face.

Emily searched her eyes, allowing her pained expression to say everything she couldn’t. She looked away, hiding the pink shame of rejection that doubtlessly colored her cheeks in the dark of the night. She couldn’t bring herself to hear the rejecting words. She didn’t deserve the heartbreak that would follow when Nox inevitably said everything they both knew to be true. Nox was a lot of things, but she never lied to the women with whom she shared her bed. And Emily wanted the lie.

“Emily, I don’t know what I’ll find there…”

Emily moved away and grabbed Nox’s traveling cloak. She hated herself for helping her. Her heart still struggled to pump blood through her body. Every piece of her fought to stitch herself together as her tiny piece of the world fell apart.

“I know,” Emily said quietly.

Nox wouldn’t lie.

Emily wouldn’t hear the truth.