‘I panicked. I thought he’d watched the appeal on the TV and he wanted to tell her what he’d seen. I had his number from when I’d photographed him so I asked him to meet me. We always got on. He’s a nice man.’ She starts to cry again.

‘Just me!’ The nurse pops her head round the curtain, making me jump. ‘The psych team are here so if you could say your goodbyes now, please.’ She gives me a small nod.

‘Please.’ Kira looks imploringly at her. ‘Just one minute.’

‘Thirty seconds.’ The nurse pulls the curtain back over.

‘Claire.’ Kira’s eyes well with tears as she looks back at me. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I hate myself for what’s happened. I wish you hadn’t found me. If you hadn’t then now I’d be dead.’

I give her a long look but say nothing. I don’t trust myself to speak.

Chapter 68

Sonia glances at her notes. ‘Am I right in thinking you got the results of your CAT scan last week?’

I nod. ‘Yes. It was clear.’

‘That must be hugely reassuring.’

‘It is, yes.’

Eight months ago I would have been terrified, being slid into a small, claustrophobic space. Eight months ago I was a different person.

‘And is it tomorrow that you’re going to hold the memorial for Billy?’ She crosses one leg over the other and rests a hand on her calf.

‘It’s not a memorial as such.’ I reach for the glass of water on the table in front of me and take a sip. ‘It’s a family thing. Just me, Jake and Mark. We’re driving over to the rail tracks to lay some flowers. The boules club have said it’s okay.’

‘Good. I think that’s important.’ She eyes the box of tissues beside the water jug; tissues I have left untouched since I walked into her office fifteen minutes ago. ‘And how are you feeling, Claire, now the investigation has been closed?’

‘Relieved. It means we can start planning the funeral.’

‘Of course. Will you be taking that on yourself or—’

‘We’re going to do it together,’ I say. ‘Jake’s spoken to some of Billy’s friends about the sort of songs he might like and Mark will give a reading. Stephen asked if he could deliver the eulogy.’

‘And how does Mark feel about that?’

‘He’s okay.’ I nod. ‘They’ve been spending a lot of time together recently. There’s still some … tension … between them but they’re working through it. Stephen has started going to AA and Caroline’s moved back in.’