I hear the irritation in his voice and worry who he’ll confide in if I’m in prison. I’m not the only one in our family who bottles things up. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘She said I can’t go to her photography exhibition next week. She says it’s too personal.’

‘Maybe it’s to do with her dad.’

He sighs. ‘Maybe. Who knows?’

‘Whatever her exhibition is about it obviously makes her feel vulnerable and you need to respect that.’

‘But it feels like she’s keeping secrets from me.’

‘And you’re not keeping secrets from her?’

‘Fair enough.’

We both fall silent.

Then he says, ‘You are going to come home, aren’t you, Mum?’

I try not to think about the knife in my wardrobe and what will happen when I hand it in to the police. ‘Yes, son. I am.’

Friday 19th December 2014

Jackdaw44: I can’t stop thinking about you.

ICE9: Me neither.

ICE9: I feel so guilty though. We shouldn’t be doing this.

Jackdaw44: Stop then.

ICE9: Really?

Jackdaw44: Yeah. If you want to stop we stop.

ICE9: I thought you’d make it more difficult.

Jackdaw44: Not if you’re not happy.

ICE9: But I am. That’s the problem.

Jackdaw44: I don’t think you really want to end it, do you?

ICE9: I know I should …

Jackdaw44: But?

ICE9: I like the way I feel when I’m with you.

Jackdaw44: And how’s that?

ICE9: Happy. And free.

Jackdaw44: Me too. X

Chapter 44

I drive past the house three times before parking outside. There’s a gap on the street where Jake usually leaves his van and Mark’s car isn’t in the driveway. Liz’s driveway is also empty. There are no lights on in our house but I watch the front and back doors for a few minutes anyway, just in case Kira suddenly appears, her hair unbrushed, her top slipping from her shoulder under the weight of her camera equipment, frazzled and running late.

When no one emerges from the house I look at my watch – 10.17 a.m. – then open the driver’s-side door.

I’d expected to return home to a tower of plates in the sink, a bin full to overflowing and a pile of pizza boxes stacked up on the table, but the dishwasher is full, a fresh load of washing has been folded and stacked in the basket and there’s food in the fridge. The living room is similarly well kept; the rug has been hoovered, the blanket on the back of the sofa is straight and neat and there are no mugs or dishes on the side tables.