‘Oh, for God’s sake, Mum. Do you have to be such a control freak?’ He shifts position to stand up but the sudden movement is too much for his foot and he’s forced to sit back down again.

The accusation stings and it takes everything I’ve got not to retaliate. Instead I take a steadying breath.

‘Sorry. That was out of order.’ He puts a hand on mine, his palm sticky with sweat. ‘Look, if you really want to know, I was pissed off because some bloke started chatting up Kira while I was in the loo.’

‘He was probably just trying his luck.’

‘Yeah, I know. But she looked really happy. She was laughing and playing with her hair, like she did when we first got together.’ He shrugs. ‘And I was shitting myself about Billy’s appeal. So I kept drinking to try and block it all out. That’s all there is to it.’

I want to tell him that I understand, that it’s been longer than I can remember since his dad looked at me that way too, but this isn’t about me. And it certainly isn’t about Mark. This is about my son opening up to me for the first time in a long time.

‘Oh, Jake.’ I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and pull him in to me. His body feels hard and unwieldy in my arms. ‘I understand. Really I do. She’ll look at you like that again. I promise. You and Kira have been to hell and back, we all have. When Billy comes home everything will go back to normal. I promise you.’

Jake stiffens and it’s as though I’m hugging rock.

Thursday 25th September 2014

Jackdaw44: I saw you in town today.

ICE9: Shouldn’t you be at school?

Jackdaw44: Skiving.

ICE9: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

Jackdaw44: Liv was stirring shit with her mates at lunchtime. I’ve fucking had it with girls. I left before I hit her.

ICE9: You can’t hit girls!

Jackdaw44: Duh! That’s why I left.

ICE9: Why do you keep texting me?

Jackdaw44: I like talking to you. You got a problem with that?

ICE9: Wow, so aggressive!

Jackdaw44: Fuck this shit. You’re a piss taker like everyone else.

ICE9: No, I’m not.

Jackdaw44: You look down on me. You think I’m a stupid kid.

ICE9: a) I don’t look down on you and b) You’re cleverer than you let on.

Jackdaw44: Fucking Stephen Hawkins, me.

ICE9: You know what I mean.

Jackdaw44: Yeah. Don’t tell anyone though.

ICE9: Your secret is safe with me.

Jackdaw44: If you ever need to share a secret you know where I am.

ICE9: I’ll bear that in mind.

Chapter 14