There’s Jake and Billy at primary school, Jake aged nine proudly displaying his big teeth, Billy aged five, with his dark hair sticking up at ridiculous angles. I turn the next page, smiling at the memories and trying to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. When I get to the middle of the book the school photos end. On the next page are photos of our last family holiday. Billy was thirteen. Jake was seventeen. We went to Weston for the day, then drove down to Bude in Cornwall to stay in a caravan for a week. There’s a photo of the two of them sitting on the wall near Weston beach, both staring down at their mobiles. It was an awful holiday. The weather was terrible and with all of us cooped up together in a tiny caravan, the bickering reached new levels; Jake wound Billy up, calling him a little kid, and Billy bit back calling Jake a boring arsehole. Mark cracked before I did. He packed up the car after three days and said we were never going on another family holiday for as long as he lived.

I turn the page, wondering what’s next.

My breath catches in my throat.

There’s a photo of Mark and Jake having a beer under the awning as the skies opened. One of Billy and Mark messing about in the pool. Another one of us sitting around a table in the ‘entertainment hall’, giving the thumbs-down as we listened to the world’s worst comedian. There are more recent photos too: of Mark and Jake when he graduated from college. Me, Mark and Kira with our arms around each other’s shoulders, valiant after winning a game of bowling against the two boys.

Only Mark isn’t in the photos any more. He’s been blacked out, his face and his body obliterated by thick black marker pen. And there are words scrawled over the top of each photo – WANKER, TOSSER, DICK. I turn over page after page after page but they’re all the same; Mark has been blanked out from each and every image. It’s as though he no longer exists.

Friday 10th October 2014

Jackdaw44: Hey.

Jackdaw44: Hello?

Jackdaw44: You there?

Jackdaw44: I know you’re reading these messages.

Jackdaw44: Oi!

Jackdaw44:

Jackdaw44:

Jackdaw44: You suck. Just like everyone else in my life. I thought you were different.

Chapter 23

Why is Mark blacked out in every photo in the album? Who did that? And why hide it at the bottom of the charity box? It doesn’t make any sense.

Pain rips through the side of my head and I screw my eyes tightly shut to block it out.

Did Billy do it? But why? What could Mark possibly have done to make him that angry?

CLAIRE!